11/30/2009

Well today's the day, folks. The last day of November. Brian is cussing in my ear about this damn contest. I, am a little proud of myself, and after a brief break, plan to keep filling you in on my joyous life. Just don't get testy with me, peeps. None of you have blogs. And I don't bother you.

Today was filled with insurance applications. Tasty tip: 90% of people go to the doctor because of something to do with their butt. Which is my kind of job. Looking at people's butt history. Sign me up for life.

Coming up in my life is a Dashboard acoustic concert, a new book club, and oopsies, we are seeing Star Wars Live and in Concert next week. Can I stress to you that I can hardly contain my excitement? Why do I feel like everyone will be in costumes? My husband included. I know nothing about Star Wars and I'd like to keep it that way.

Today, was another one of those turkey sandwich days. I miss my fam, kind of wonder if it's Friday yet, and watched the worst movie in the universe: CLICK. Coming up, pictures of my glorious Christmas cottage of a house.

Please God let me win a NABLOPOMO prize. Like maybe the glitter pens?

11/29/2009

Sweet mother of mercy, only two more days until I am catapaulted into freedom. I will try my hardest to keep up with the blog, because I know you guys live and die by the post. But just know, on the days I don't write, it's because the best thing I've done all day is get the mail or lay some brown brick.



Merry Christmas from the Halls, Scotts, Rays, and Cole Shaws. Yep, I think this is the shot. Just add Mom's fancy border from Sam's Club. I think the best part of vacation was being with this group. I honestly love my family like crazy and it was so special to all be together. Can't wait till Steph starts bringing a gentleman caller around the house.


Good thing it wasn't this picture. Brian, are you squeezing one out on our stools?



Super spesh being with my Mom. She left the house for the first time in 2009 and went shopping with me and the Prochaska's. It was amazing. Mom and I probably won't be back due to the fact that we had to make a purchase in every single store in the Lee Summit area. Then for the rest of the weekend, we ran around the house decorating for Christmas, where I made mom pull out all of the childhood decorations that just get me going this time of year.


I mentioned shopping with Kelly and I would be retarded if I didn't post a picture on here. Merely for the fact that she will freak out because I was born slow and still haven't sent pictures. Please note, she is a Paris supermodel and I am her overweight school marm.

I also enjoyed a best-ever walk with my oldest pal, Laura. Great to walk and catch up and gossip for anyone to hear within 30 feet of us. We cover it all and we cover it well. And I'm going to get to Washington this year, darn it.

So, God, I hope you appreciated this quality post. Brian's about to lose it over this whole blogging contest. Mostly because it's always time for bed, but oh wait, I have to blog. More tomorrow, but first, a picture of three bikini models, with the 2009 school marm of the year.

11/28/2009

Oh Lordy. It's an annual tradition to have my dear husband Brian do a little light blogging for his fans.

Ladies and germs, I give you my sweet meat:

Hi. I'm Brian. Jenn asked me to blog for her because it's getting late and she is helping her mom decorate the house in Christmas decor. Today I cried and yelled at a TV for 4 hours while I watched KU lose to MU. It was the most painful game to watch. A ton of stupid mistakes. Defense is our downfall. Safety wasn't good either. The worst play calling in the history of football.

Then we had dinner at Zio's with the family. It was good but it was probably 100 degrees in the restaurant. Then we returned home. The Domino's alert level was orange but we avoided the game. Then Jason and I played Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 for like 3 hours. It was awesome but we played on a 22" tv. It makes it a little hard to be a Sniper when the enemies are the size of a eraser head on that small TV.

It was a nice break in Overland Park but I am ready to return to Omaha.

Jenn here. Wow. I just started laughing after I read that. He's so serious. But he loads a mean dishwasher.

11/27/2009

God blogging by the skin of my teeth. Had the best shopping day of my professional life. Mom even made it out the house. Scored my best finds ever and might have to sleep outside when Brian sees it all.

Better post tomorrow, I promise ya. Go KU.

11/26/2009

Happy Thanksgiving!



Had an excellent familial day. Watched the parade, Mom tried to feed me sick cinnamon coffee, and we saw the Plaza lights turn on, not to mention the Paseo Acadamey dancers and their swirly moves.

I am most thankful for big Bri. I love him so.

Tomorrow I am toying with the idea of hitting Old Navy at 3am in order to try for a free copy of Rock Band Lego. Then, I'll be onto Home Depot for a 7ft LED-lit Christmas tree for a steal. WHO AM I?

11/25/2009

As I type this, Brian and my father are in the family room and Brian is trying to showcase Call of Duty: Modern Warfare to my Dad who barely knows how to change the volume on the TV. He first thought the hooking the XBox up would ruin his TV. And you should have seen while we did it. We also played a little Beatles Rockband. Oops. Sounds like there is a lot of profanity in this game. I'm sure Dad is completely comfortable with that. Oh well, it's better than him and Brian sitting at the table and Dad repeatedly asking Brian what the Philip Morris stock price is at these days.

Today was low on the totem pole at work. Really low. But nothing a fancy fruit yogurt and granola cup from Target couldn't fix.

I'm really pumped to be home and having Thanksgiving tomorrow. Very thankful to have a Dad who gives the best pump-up talks, a Mom who wets her pants when you make her laugh that hard. Kris, who wears penguin scrubs and helps me diagnose myself when I'm sure it's brain cancer. Laura, my home decor lady who is the only one who visits. Steph, babe at KU who wants to become a vampire. And my two bros who are great additions to the Hall clan. And sweet Joe. I love buying him treats.

Tomorrow, I'm sleeping in and then watching that famous parade, and then filling myself with Mom's delish cooking. I think we'll also try to see those Plaza lights turn on. But for now, stick a fork in me, I'm done.

11/24/2009

Well, Well, Well.

I literally just got back from New Moon. Did the same bit where I was finishing the book at breakfast, finishing the book at the gym, finishing the book in the car one the way to the theater. It's like reading the dictionary, I swear.

Well, here's what I think. I really like the books a lot better than the movies. Stuff isn't developed as much, it's left off, or there is a lot of gratuitous torso shots. I mean, honest to God, why do the guys have to have washerboards with jean cut-offs that show their underwear bands. I mean I kind of almost laughed. And Jacob's hair just always killed me. I loved how they tried to "pull it back" and out of his face with a little rubber band. Sick.

I did think this movie was better than the first one, but it was fast. Obviously they put a lot more make-up on Bella and did a tweeze-job on her eyebrows. She kills me. It's like she's having an eye seizure. Half the time she is cross-eyed, twitching, participating in the chin olympics, or about to kill herself.

Jacob does nothing for me, people. I guess I'd pick fast Eddie. Jacob is nerdy and turns into a too-large wolf. Hotty Eddie has got that stare down. And Charlie is still rocking that stashe. Love how Bella can go to Italy for a few and come back and he checks on her to make sure she's sleeping tight. Shucks, Dad.

All in all, glad I saw it. Not glad for the stupid teen gals in front of me texting or talking throughout the entire show. That's why one of them got a sharp blast kick in the back of her seat from yours truly. Suck it, teens.

Stephanie Hall, please try not to fondle this post. I know how strong your vampire love is.

11/23/2009

Oh. My. God. This is so me and Brian. We play some form of Rockband game every single night for a couple of hours. Brian's on the drums and I am shredding the axe. We go for every single achievement point and we are way over-intense. And God the ending to that video is so brilliant.

Today was a bit of a rough ride. Wanted to tell some people at work to S a D. Then, me and Brian decided to put up ALL of the worlds supply of Christmas lights. We upped our game from last year. Big chunkys everywhere. Tomorrow, Brian is going up on the ladder to finish the job. It really, really looks great. But we're not turning them on until it's December 1st. I still have my turkey towels out.

Today, Brian and I purchased our first (and probably last) piece of Pottery Barn furniture. We bought a buffet for the dining room as a Christmas present to each other. A single tear ran down my cheek when he texted me with the confirmation. People, I might be sleeping in the drawers of it, I love it that much. I also might lick all of the varnish off.

God, now I'm going to go stay up until 1am, in an effort to read the 80 pages of New Moon that I have left before we see the movie tomorrow. God, this is just like Twilight. I finished the book in the theater, during the previews. Why do I do this to myself. I love you, Edward Cullen.

11/22/2009

This blogging really takes it out of you.

11/21/2009

Well I'm blogging from the Carpenters because it's 11:45pm and we've decided to overstay our welcome.

Tonight we celebrated the end of KU football with a dinner at PF Changs. Then we went over to the Carpenters, where I proceeded to walk in on Aaron going to the bathroom. And Brian is trying to now learn how to play the piano. Wonderful.

Today I had a swell one. Woke up at the crack of noon. Got into a facebook fight with one of steph's old work associates. Put up a wall of picture frames. Then I hung up all of our Christmas lights outside.

Oh my god there are two cats here and my eyes look like you have stabbed them directly in the pupils with a sharp pencil. I am sneezing and blowing my nose every thirty seconds while Brian tries to learn how to play the piano with Mary.

My final closing thought: I cannot express my complete happiness at the mere discovery of MTV's new series, Jersey Shore. I mean, we got a taste when they aired the hour-long special about seven years ago, but now we get ENTIRE GUIDO EPISODES. I can't stop watching the preview. Fist pumping. Too tan. Guys hair that I don't understand. SIGN ME UP. There is a God.

11/20/2009

Inspired by Anna Stilley and Bradical Mindspew, Brian and I stayed in tonight and made our own pizza. Whole wheat crust, pesto, artichokes, tomatoes, onions, peppers, bacon, and cheese please. Polished that sucker off with a tall glass of milk.

We tuliped around Target tonight, bought some honeycrisp apples, and I watched as Brian left the cart (with my purse) while he went around the corner of an isle. FREE MONEY! EVERYONE TAKE MY FREE MONEY!

We were supposed to go to a concert, but I'm sleep deprived, work sucks a dick, and I hadn't seen big Bri in a week, so we stayed home and rented Lego Rockband, which has quickly become the game of the year.
It's really cute and we're dominating it.

Tomorrow's going to be good. I can just smell it.

11/19/2009

Dear God it was all I could do to get through the day.

Looking forward to some snow. Wore a bright blue sweater to work today. Can't wait to fill my mouth with stuffing on Thursday. Brian came home.
And we danced to that Black Eyed Peas song, "I Got a Feeling" for like 15 minutes in the kitchen.

Things I would like to do this weekend:

1.) Finish New Moon
2.) Clean up this godforsaken office
3.) Go to the Electric Six concert
4.) Take down the Halloween decorations. (I'm bad.)
5.) Sleep in so late that I throw up when I look at the clock and realize what time it is.
6.) Deep clean my office fun room.
7.) Put up the Christmas lights in an effort to be on top of things.
8.) Watch DVR until I'm Ray Charles.
9.) Have the Vincents (and little Ethan!) over for dinner.
10.) Pay speeding ticket, order buffet and china cabinet. In that order.

11/18/2009

God I fall apart when Brian's gone. For example, I came home this evening to find that I had left the coffee pot on all day long. I'm suprised the glass didn't explode because it had melted an entire full pot. Smelled a little gamey. I am also typing this post with my eyes closed. It will be a wonder if I make it through work tomorrow. I've gotten zero sleep because every time I hear a peep, I think someone has escaped from prison and is ready to kill me with a bazooka.

My Halloween decorations are still up. Is that bad? I'm so sick of them and I wish they would put away themselves. Not quite ready for the Christmas ones yet. How did it get to be November 18th? It's not fair.

Had a lovely Colorado Salad at Firebirds tonight with a pal and then went home to watch Tyra and a little ANTM. I will lose my shit if that red haired girl doesn't win. And did you hear Miss J has a seven year old son? Named Boris?



What the hell, KU. I don't even know what's going on, it happened so fast. I went to school while Terry f'ing Allen was the coach. Football sucked. Mangino has put the excitement back into the games. He won coach of the year last year. All I'm saying is that the player who got "poked" better unlock a shitload of secrets, or I will personally give him a tender pat on his balls to remind him where they are. Coaches aren't going to be your Mom and I'm guaranteeing you that this happens at every school in America. You just can't fire and hire. We'll lose the football excitement. But what I'm really trying to wrap my mind around is how Mangino can choke or fight another player. He's like a sausage T-Rex. And you are a grown ass man. There is just no way that mathematically works out. I'm on Mangino's side. As long as nothing nutty comes out. But something is brewing. Where's Tod the Bod? Why can't we score a field goal? God Bless Basketball season.

11/17/2009

Top 3 worst pictures of me:

1.)


2.)


3.)

11/16/2009

Oh my God so I hope you all enjoyed the Neil Diamond dance. Because I'm probably going to get sued by Mr. Diamond. Seconds after I posted that puppy, I got an email from YouTube saying my video had contained Sony copywrited material. But I'm just going to roll will it and hope that maybe someone can bail me out of jail. Plus, I've watched it a hundred times. Why stop now?

Also, I think I may have narcolepsy. I AM TIRED ALL THE TIME. I was falling asleep at work this morning. I fall asleep while driving. I am tired at 6pm. And no, you nimrods, I am not with child. John Hall gave me a chastity belt and I lost the key.

God bless it, there is nothing exciting to blog about. This is why you don't force it. I'm trying to finish that blasted New Moon book so that I can see the movie this weekend. Then I'm on to bigger and better things. Like David Sedaris.

Brian will not let me purchase any winter wear, so I am sporting short sleeve outfits win 30 degree weather. And he doesn't even let me dry my hair, so it's soaking wet. I'm freezing every day. Just kidding about the hair, but what if the only way I took showers was like Flashdance, sitting in a chair and Brian just pulls this huge rope and it lets down a shitload of water.

Well, gotta go get busy because I forced myself into buying some motherly jewelery from my neighbor across the way. So many choices, so little time. So motherly.

11/15/2009

Well, me and Brian just watched the entire 2-hour Kardashian wedding and then we were feeling a little inspired, patriotic, and apparently aerobic.

Choregraphed by Mia Michaels, with permission from Neil Diamond, we give you the gift of dance:



Now I am just profusely sweating, and Brian is off downstairs trying to find his dignity.
Goodnight.

11/14/2009

oh what a day.

While I'm here in OP, Brian is in Desert Storm, via Call of Duty. That game is the bain of my existance.

I started the day with a little bit of panic, because we had a 10am bridesmaid dress appointment and I rolled over in bed, looked and the clock and saw that it said 10am. Well, Sue forgot to turn back the clocks for daylight savings. So we ventured out to try on dresses. Most of them I actually couldn't try on, because they don't have size whale.

Went to Crate and Barrell, oogled over the mercury glass and picked up a few things as usual. Then me and Laura enjoyed some spin pizza where I experienced OLIVE OVERLOAD. After that, it was onto Statements where we picked out thousands of dollars worth of stationary. I love that paper, you know I do.

After that we went home where I met up with Kel, looking all fine in her new sweater. We got ready and headed to the grocery story to stock up for homemade pizza. We were off to Jenny's where I would meet Anna for the first time! I also got to meet Donald for the first time and I am completely and 100% his greatest fan. I don't care who knows it. Anna, is the sweetest thing ever. She gives me cavities she's so sweet. I got to hold her while Kelly laughed and Rob constantly looked at me, making sure I was supporting her head. I wanted to teach her things like how to do a push-up, or take her out real quick and pierce her ears, but I had to settle for feeding her the nighttime bottle. It was presh and I want to have 13 children immediatley. Jenny and Rob are the best parents and have such a special new family. It couldn't happen to two greater people. Also guys, keep that wall-long fish tank. It's tits.

11/13/2009

My Gramma Hall always said I was born to read the news.


Tonight was fast-pace. Cheesecake dinner with Laura and Rye Bread. Then over to pet Joey for an hour. Target to look at Christmas decorations. Then home to sit at the table with John and Sue to hear an hour long story about the work trip dad got back from and went racing go-carts and then drove two associates home and had to stop twelve 12 times for them to throw up. Go KC Go. Miss you, sweet Bri.

11/12/2009

Brian and I saw this clip right before our usual episode of Parks and Rec. I think we had to rewind it 70 times for the mere fact that he says BIG POOP BREAKFAST AND A GLASS OF PEE. And I've died a thousand times over that.

Today was a busy one. And is it a crime that it mostly involved body hair and crotch parts? I got my eyebrows done and also shaved for the first time since birth. Why the special occasion? I was getting my moles checked in the form of a full body scan with my dermatologist. TMI, I know, but guess who has a mole the size of a manhole cover on her crotch. Two fingers pointing at THIS GUY. So I want to get it out because I also had a skin cancer scare last year around this time. That sweet thing was on my butt cheek. CANNOT I NOT HAVE A MOLE ON MY ARM?

So I'm telling the nurse lady how I'm particularly concerned and that I'm embarrassed about this all and she says it's no big deal. I take her word for it. We talk a titch more and then as she was opening the door to get the doc, I just ask her, "Are you sure I'm not the only one with an embarrassing moley?" She then closes the door, leans into me and explains that just last week there was an adult man in here with a mole. ON HIS ANUS. Yes I just said that nasty dirty word on my blog.

Who uses that word? I kind of had to look out the window to prevent the most largest laugh to ever come out of my mouth. So cool.. looks like this one's a breeze.

I was prepared for the doctor to take me under the knife, but we're all good here. Nothing to cause alarm. I looked out the window and there was a beautiful sunset while I was sitting on an awkward leather chair, in a backless gown.

11/11/2009

For today's post, I thought it would be fun to take a trip back to my first year at KU. So I got out my photo albums and then realized that if I put a third of these pictures up, I might get arrested or excommunicated as a daughter. And Laura, I wouldn't be your hero any more.

God there are some good ones. But I'd like to present to you, a Top 5 PG-version of some collegiate times. Back when I weighed 85 pounds and had every Abercrombie sweater that had ever been sold. I would go back in a second. Wouldn't you?

1.) Back When Napster was legal.

I lived on the dorm cappachino, grilled cheeses, and illegal downloading. I am not kidding you that this is where most people would find me. Before class, I would easily start 45 songs to download while I was away. Tucked underneath the bunks that Dad made me and Kate. Nice cordless, nice sweater. Screw you Metallica.

2.) First recorded picture of me and Brian. I didn't even know him here.

He may or may not have spilled an adult beverage on me. His first instinct was to blow dry it out clean. I should have sensed his love for cleaning back them. We were going as a group to my sorority 70's party and all I remember when he grabbed my shirt was holy shit he's touching my shirt and very close to my boobs.

3.) Probably dancing to the Thong Song.

Kim (I freaking made her get her eyebrow pierced), me, and my pal Chris Brown. Please note my graphic T with random chinese symbol on the sleeve. God. That's my dorm room. One time, at 4am, me and my roommate blasted the Thong Song on my stereo so loud in the dark and made my RA come to the door. I opened the door and pretended like I was asleep and the stereo had gone off as my alarm. He told me to go back to sleep and he'd go back to being very Jewish.

4.) Pulling fire alarms.

Here's my best friend Scott and 3rd floor gal Ali. We'd regularly pull the fire alarm in our hall. You open that door and you were deaf. I'd hide just inside my door with my hand on the knob, and Scott would pull it and bolt down the hall to his room, faster than an Olympic sprinter. Then I'd just shut my door and wait for the RA to get pissed. God. Why do I now have to worry about things like mowing my lawn and a mortgage?

5.) The the pictures go south.

I seriously run out of family friendly pictures. Then they start to look like this. That's my first apartment and also my future husband. I married him for his class.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

11/10/2009

Again?

Well, Brian is driving home from a week long business trip and this means I have to get the house cleaned before he starts crying when he walks in and sees that a cup is not in the dishwasher.

Of course nothing happened today except probably the most awesomest thing. Wait, one cool thing did happen today. I had to lay some brown brick really badly and I went to get up from my office chair and whenever I moved, I farted very silently. I mean, I stepped, I farted. It was so amazing and yet tense at the same time. How was I going to walk the few steps I needed to reach the front door? One step meant one gigantic trumpet blow. Finally I jut ran past a few people and out the door and into the stall. I'm sure the co-workers heard and I hope they now know who's boss.

Back to my original story. I was driving to work, 97% asleep, and I'm on the super-highway that has 4 lanes on each side, divided by a giant concrete median the comes up to your boobs. About 100 feet in front of me, I see an enormous deer. Trying to cross my side of the street. He makes it, and then gracefully clears this huge median wall and into the other side of highway on-coming traffic. Then, instandly, I see a little crap car just knick the front part of the deer and Bambi went COMPLETELY airborne. And was rotating. I'm talking a good 20 feet into the air doing a slow-mo matrix move, hovering over morning traffic. After a few decent spins, he lands, I think tries to get up, and by then I was past it all. I mean, how sweet was it to witness a mid-air acrobatic live deer on a TUESDAY. I think I called 5 people on my cell phone after that.

I'd also like to mention that about a month ago, Brian and I went to a tiny watering hole because we heard Dashboard Confessional was going to be giving a free concert. I thought they were lying because Mom said nothing is ever free. But that didn't stop me from making Brian take me there at 3:30pm, and the concert didn't start until 8pm. So, there we were, front row, and my tounge was touching the microphone, I was so close. Of course, by the time it started, the entire population of America was in there. But we were still up in the very front. And when he took the stage, I died a little death right there. I totally got starstruck and also kind of wanted to hop up on stage and rip my top off.



So here is a video clip of him singing, "Breathe". It's the most beautiful song and it's the first dance Brian and I had at our wedding. I almost never get to hear this live and there it was. All because people were shouting songs out from the audience and he would play whatever he heard. Please enjoy the fact that you can hear my voice louder than his. I'm sorry. He asked for a duet.



And then afterward, we got to freaking meet him. Never mind that I look like an obsessed fan who has smeared bacon all over her face. I'M TOUCHING HIM.



And then afterwards, I tapped him on the shoulder and told him that I danced to his song at my wedding for our first dance. How many times can you freaking say that you've told the artist you picked their song. He grabbed his heart (so emo) and said it was awesome and he was so touched. Then he hugged me and I haven't taken a shower since.

11/09/2009

Honestly, I had hopes of going to bed four hours ago.

I hope you appreciate this work of art.

11/08/2009

Oh Sunday, you son of a gun.



I'm back from Kansas City. My trip with the girls was in some ways the absolute best and in other ways it sucked huge balls. We started out the trip on Friday afternoon where we all piled into the trusty Commander and headed out in search of no-limit shopping. Because I was the driver, we took an extra 20 minutes locating the hotel because I became retarded and couldn't locate a large building that read Embassy Suites.

Once in the hotel, we secured our room, which was palacial, and ventured downstairs in search of the shuttle driver. We needed food and we needed it in large quantities. Our driver told of places that served pork like candy on a stick. We ended up at Brio, because by God they don't make a bad type of bruchetta. I made one with a steak salad and we made nasty comments at all the slut-bags in town for a bachelorette party for a 12 year old hooker.

We went back to our room where I preceeded to snore like a gorilla in the company of friends. They didn't tell me about this until 48 hours later. We awoke, I awaking last, and prepared for a free made-to-order omlet bar and then for our husbands to be very mad at us because we bought things like thunderbird sequins necklaces and paper poinsetta wreath kits.

The omlet bar was nice and greasy cooked by a blind man named, Alan. We then decided to go to Latte Land, or Lovin' Lattes, as Lindsey always thought it was called. And then we painted the town. Christmas cards at Paper Source, insane floral top at Anthro, Holidays on Ice book, and JCrew sequin little number. Also got a Mac makeup make-over and lets just say I was fighting the boys off with sticks from that point on. Wanted to buy all the makeup, however, still wanted to have a husband when I got home.

For dinner, we had reservations at Fogo de Chao, which I think, is my new favorite restaurant ever, in my lifetime, as a professional eater. It's a top-knotch Brazillian steak paradise that is only mentioned in classy airplane magazines. First, there is this salad bar that I would literally like to roll around in daily. Then you get to the table where we had Brazilian house lime drinks and these cheddar roles that I would gladly inhale and choke myself for. Then you have a disc and you change it from red to green based on if you want these men to come around with large beef sticks. And I wanted MEAT. Oh my lands, I sampled lamb, filet mingon, surloin, pork, garlic chicken. It was killing me. My favorite, hands down was the lamb. So much so, that the "lamb man" would still come and tap me on the shoulder when he was making the rounds even though I had a red card. I think we went to second base.



After that wonderment, we shuttled it back to the hotel where we decided to use our 50 dollar gift card to the house restaurant because they fudged up our room. We didn't want to eat at CATTLEMENS, so we simply ordered one of each desert from their menu, to go, so we could eat it in our room in between doing our nails and participating in an all-feather naked pillow fight. We blew it all on desert. Incredible. Seven of them. In my mouth.



After I did my nails gray, we went to bed to the sweet sounds of the air conditioning making a noise like a cat was stuck in the pipes. In the morning, I was going through my purchases, and realized, great shit, I didn't have my JCrew cardigan that I bought. I swear to God I don't think they gave me the bag. We go get lattes and visit J Crew where I basically kill myself in front of this hipster manager who will not belive me and thinks I am trying to get a freebie. Like I need two, dude.

He finally says to come back because he needs to call God to ask if it's okay to give me another cardigan. Well I'm about to tears and I just decide to walk to Classic Cup to see if it might possibly be there because that's the next place we went. Of course. They had found it and were saving it in the basement. I march back to the Crew, basically just start crying and blubbering and apologizing. Nothing a little Curious Sofa in Prairie Village can't help.

We shopped around there for a tad and then decided on heading out to lunch at J Alexanders in OP. I'm mildly freaking out period, because I am not a good driver, think people are judging me when they are in the car, and I just don't like driving whenever other cars are present on the road. Everyone is hungry, it's already 2pm, 435 highway is in sight and I'm feeling good about it until we pass a cop and he turns his lights on me. I get a speeding ticket that just said, basically turn around and bend over. I just lose it and niagra falls start coming out of my eyeballs. That was fun. So was lunch. God bless you honey mustard.

One last stop at Nordstroms. Ever fun, I had come to the conclusion that I needed to sell my body in order to pay for anything in the store, plus my new driving violation. So our day was done. I drove 16mph the entire way home while watching deer attempt to dart out in front of my car. I have turned into a deer hunter.

So, Jesus, best weekend ever, minus a few curveballs. It's just me and Tyra Banks this week as Brian travels. Topics for this week: Why I have to work and why can't doughnuts be good for you.

11/07/2009

Here's what I'm asking Santa for this year!

11/06/2009

Please enjoy. And remember: when an elephant fights, only the grass suffers.

11/05/2009

This video kills me every time. Kind of feel like it's how a couple of my interviews went.

Tonight was totally awesome. I gathered the girls up and went to Voila' and enjoyed their Christmas open house. For the layman, it's Omaha's most excellent home decorating store and I basically keep them afloat year after year. I almost did a face plant into their cream cheese brick and oopsies a few thousand things fell into my basket. I hope Brian will go along with my idea of a second Christmas tree in the front of the house. Maybe if I hang the ornaments while I'm naked?

Then after that, I went to a SCENTSY party. I know. It's a company that sells glorified light bulbs surrounded by a ceramic holder that melt wax in a open dish. I didn't buy anything, but I was two seconds away from buying the grand slam baseball holder with a couple of bricks under the scent description, "Satin Nights". Instead, I decided to murder about ten meatballs and a loaf of bruchetta.

Sweet Jesus if I can just get through work tomorrow, I'll be scooting around the Plaza, mingling with the beautiful people. I can't wait. I just talked to my dad and he said to be careful down there. Nothing good happens past 8pm, as John always says.

11/04/2009

Sweet Christ, wasn't I just on here blogging?

Nobody liked the body massage video? God. Today was a hell of a day. There may have been some cube crying. But nothing a little B. Scott couldn't cure. And leftover chili and the Grey's Anatomy where Derek gets that inoperable tumor out. I'm so freaking tired because I stayed up too late being addicted to the internet.

Really looking forward to the next couple of weeks. Going to the Plaza this weekend for a girls weekend and then back to KC the next weekend to hang with family and Anna Stilley and Kelly, my little lesbian hiker. Trying on some bridesmaid dresses with Laura and just going to bum around with Mom and Dad.

I can't even believe it's so close to Thanksgiving. Been doing some deep thinking lately. About where I want to be and how much I've acomplished in my life. Who I am and what it means to be me. There are some really big things to be thankful for. Biggest of all is Brian, who's always chugging along right next to me, probably doing some dance move I'm requesting or a high kick. I swear I'm going to get that on video. You'd want to marry him too.

It's way too serious in here. Time to lighten things up.



Is now an okay time to say that my co-worker told me she writes erotic poetry?

11/03/2009

Who wants a body massage? Well I just got done watching a rousing hour of So You Think You Can Dance with Nigel and his feminine hand gestures. Is it bad that I had an ice cream sandwich after watching all of those hard-bodies? So glad that girl tap dancer got kicked off. She was on there about 100% too long. And while you're at it, surgically remove her legs.

Today was a rough one at work. Would have rather ate my way through a room filled with nacho cheese. God willing. Found out I have no blood clots (phew) and that one of the guys from Boyz II Men has H1N1. You gotta pull through, my little Mowtown Philly. Such a shame.

Have you seen the preview for that movie with Cameron Diaz where the weird half-face man comes to the door and all you have to do is push the button in his box and you get a million dollars but someone dies? They were talking about that on the radio all morning. Whether you would push it or now. I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'd probably push it 17 times. Relax, I'm just kidding. One guy called in and said he'd only push it if the terrorists in Afganistan would die. This is why I don't care for Nebraska radio.

Also, did you hear someone (tall, slender, black dude) was stalking Ryan Seacrest? Who does that? Why does that sound like a good idea? I think I'll add Ryan Seacrest to the list of people I'd punch in the face if I had a free one. Also on that list are Metallica and Pete Wentz.

This posting is really putting a cramp into my evenings, but I'm doing it in hopes of winning one of the prizes, like a hand-blown glass kitten, or a personalized knitted shawl.

Well, off to hit the showers and sleep to dream. Your homework tonight is to watch any and all episodes of Leave It To Lamas. I can't even wrap my mind around it, it's so unreal. Night!

11/02/2009

Today freaked me out for a number of reasons. First of all, it was freaking sunny out at 7am, when I usually leave the driveway for work. I guess this was good, though, because I didn't feel like I was going to fall asleep on the highway. I swear, some days it's a wonder I make it to work without taking a 65 mph snooze. Jennifer is not a morning person and never ever will be.

Work breezed by pretty nicely. Someday I shall let you in on all of the little secrets of the people I work with. The crazy people. It's literally unbeliveable. But not now. It's not safe here. Baby's trying to land something permanent.

I've been having some soreness on my side for a couple of weeks and decided to bite the bullet and get that shit checked out. So I made an appointment and headed there after work. I walked into the doctors office and saw the EXACT SAME LADY, wearing a face mask, who looked like she was going to die in her chair, as I did the last time I was in for a sinus infection a month ago. She has swine flu. Ick. So I went in, had to robe-up. The doctor asked me to lift my arm in the air as she gave me a little look-see, and it seriously dawned on me, that, good God I haven't shaved my tender arm-pits in about 12 years. TMI? Maybe, but I think my face turned purple. Oh well. I'm trying to grow them out so that I can braid them for Laura's wedding and somehow weave them in to her hairdo so that I can be in touch with her on the alter as she says her vows.

What the hell?

That's about the extent of my day. Got some blood taken. Had bleu cheese burgers with Brian and watched some Desperate Housewives together. Trying to force myself through the rest of New Moon. Not going to lie. It's painful and horrible. Even though I would make out with Rob Pat until his lips fell off, the books put me to sleep.

Also, um, I have a rash growing up my hand and arm that could choke a donkey. This is what happens when I carve pumpkins. Every single year. A blessing and a curse.

God, time for bedtime. I think Brian may have slipped something into my bleu cheese.

Kisses.

11/01/2009

I know this day will be the best day of some people's lives. For I, Jennifer have come out to start blogging again. Today begins the NaBloPoMo, where I kill myself to blog post for you every day of this very November. And so I begin, while my loving husband is downstairs laying on the couch enjoying the first Star Wars, which he can, because he's painted four doors today, cleaned our bathroom from top to bottom, and set all the clocks back an hour before I even woke up. He also played hours of a video game called, "The Ballad of Gay Tony."

I'd like to discuss fall and Halloween first. Can't even believe it's not June anymore. But to get us in the mood, I'll start out with a fall poem.



Autumn
The mums are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.
-Emily Dickinson

This is my favorite time of year. When people finally stop wearing those slutty tank tops, jeans start showing up, and I can layer myself in a thousand sweaters to cover my ever-growing body.


Last weekend, Brian and woke up early on Saturday, ventured to Starbucks to get Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and set out on the road for Valas pumpkin patch. It was awesome to just mingle around the pumpkin piles and see the little kids running about. I also got to come very close to a penned camel, crapped my pants in a very low-grade haunted house, and launched a few pumpkins by way of a bungee chord with the option of wearing the face mask and the bonus of contracting facial H1N1.


I think the greatest part of the trip came when we rounded one corner and saw a display of live, hired actors dressed in full Star-Wars costumes. I think I may have lost Brian instantly. He made a B-line towards the actors and made me take pictures and then started to ask them questions privately about where they had purchased their suits. Finally, I tore Brian away from his new friends and we rode the train. Except the entire train ride, he was surfing the net on his phone for websites to purchase star wars movie-grade clothing. Who did I marry?


We came home that weekend, watched KU suck it up in football, and then we went to a Halloween party where some random drunk lady who I had never met, hugged me and told me I should "totally come to Denver and crash on her couch anytime."

This weekend, we were blessed to be home again. I didn't know what to do with myself. On Friday, we scoured the shops for costume ideas, but I just ended up getting really pissed that my only option was dressing like a slut bag. I also tried on various masks that were hilarious, but then Brian pointed out that I was probably getting a facial disease.

So I ended up dressing as moustashe man:


And Brian ended up living out his man dream because I let him purchase a 40 dollar darth vadar mask. It's also currently sitting on our bookshelf as a 364-day decoration. The gift that keeps on giving.


We ended up going to a work Halloween party, I think I got an allergic reaction to the 'stache, and found ourselves on the couch watching Coraline at midnight. Which is a freaking sweet movie if you ever get the chance to see it!
I also decorated the house up for Halloween!










Well, we're full of my home-made chicken chili and cornbread and it's time to venture off to Hy-Vee, hand in hand, sneaking kisses in the frozen food isle. Looking forward to being with you all through November.




Kindly Click Here for all of my Halloween pictures.