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Sweet Meliss*
Suffix Abuse*
Kristina Contes*
Stilley Stuff*
Cookies For Breakfast*
Nie Nie Dialogues*
Anchored Nomad*


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the runs
jorma taccone
f my life
the found magazine
do you have the time?


Can't you hear me?
Cause I'm screamin'.

Did not go outside.

Don't wake me, please.
Don't wake me.
I was dreamin'.

Well I might just stay inside again
Well I don't go out much these days.

Sometimes I stay inside all day.
Leave me
leave me
leave me
leave me
Won't you leave me alone.
Don't you leave me alone.

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ghetto google
look at a book
brandon flowers
sex & the city quotations
best trailer, worst movie.
idiot girls club
Get high on JESUS

When they say "Don’t I know you?"
Say no.
When they invite you to the party
Remember what parties are like
Before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
They once wrote a poem.
Then reply.
If they say we should get together.
Say why?
It’s not that you don’t love them any more.
You’re trying to remember something
Too important to forget.
The church bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.
When someone recognizes you in a grocery store,
Nod briefly
and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven’t seen
In ten years
Appears at the door,
Don’t start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

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This is a new garden over old flowers.
Wish that one day they'd figure out
how to shrink stars
and i could keep one in my bedroom.
And wish that me and him could grow old together.
And wish
that in my next life I come back as a tiger.
These are fun wishes.
In about seven minutes you can start.
'Til then, you'll just listen to the radio
from seat's edge.
As if then it's the look on your face.
As if, as if then you'll matter,
And then I can't wait.
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and never the two shall meet
said the tiger to its greatest fan.
the amount of love
you wish to give
is more than i can stand.

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*blogger, for my life hobby*
*haloscan, so no one can comment*
*Schrags, my html GOD*


"Stop trying to catch me ridin' dirty, Copper."

So, since the dude has been gone away on business for a few nights, I quickly sink into my pattern of late nights, heavy TV watching, and basically letting myself go. I get so scared of being alone that all TVs and lights must be on and if there's a person's house that I can sleep at instead, I'm there. But most recently, Brian clued me into the fact that I'm not 5, and I'm slowly learning to not think that everything in the world bad will happen to me that night, while he's not there.

Example. Just tonight I'm talking to Steph about how we would escape from our burning houses.


Jenn's plan: I have that plan too except mine is just that i get so filled with so much adrenaline that i just take a running start and burst through our bedroom window and try not to land on my back or head, so as not to get paralyzed. But i could afford a broken leg.

Anyway, the point of this story is that since the Bri man isn't home, I watch a buttload of TV. Well, it's official. My favorite new show is Rob & Big. Hilarious. It's about this pro skater and his huge black brother bodyguard. With a lazy eye and a hankering for Western Bacon Burgers. The show is genius and I am not lying to you when I say I am literally laughing out loud every 2 minutes. I mean, in one episode, they took Big to Curves. Or like here he is swimming in their new pool. With socks.

It kills me. Please, please notify me when this show comes out on DVD.

This is Jenn, signing off from NaBloPoMo. It's been a ride.

+ posted by Special J at 10:07 PM


Oh goodness. Almost forgot to post. This daily thing is really cramping my style.

Tonight I went to the Creighton basketball game with Ted. Awes seats, 12th row. During halftime, they even had a soldier-dad sing Lee Greenwoods' classic hit "Proud To Be an American" on his acoustic guitar.

I'm full of taco bell and still looking like a BAMF in my Jeep Commando.
Due to ice and snow and lots of it, looks like there may not be a trip to KC tomorrow. It's downright cold here.

Thank God for white chocolate covered Oreos.

+ posted by Special J at 11:57 PM


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WHAT THE F. Seriously. Not Sadie? That's a world of no. Sadie, I'll date you. And the mom. And Reid. Poor Reid.
He hadn't said a word in his life before that episode. So soft-spoken. So beard-spoken.
I vote him as the next Bachelorette. Call ABC.
God, I just can't even believe he picked Jen. I didn't even know she was on the show until about 1 episode ago. Sick.

Well, I've worked ALL NIGHT. My eyes are pounding. I really hope I get through this week. I found out tonight that the new car has a case of the ACID RAIN. Apparently it has some spots that look like hard water, so Rusty Russell needs it back in the shop next week. But not to fear, I'll be cruising into OP on Thursday night for a mere 24hrs with the car.
Stephen, Jess, let's go to lunch. For once in my life, I'll drive.

+ posted by Special J at 11:32 PM


Another great night. I've been working my booty off, but tonight Brian took me on a real live date. It was so cute.
He typed up a little evening schedule for me to find while we ate lunch together.
So, tonight we went to Firebirds for a nice steak dinner and some delish tortilla soup.

Then, afterward, we walked over to the movie theater in the fog and saw Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny. It was a fun movie/musical. Some totally good one-liners. But you have to be a Tenacious D fan going into this cinematic adventure. I don't want a bunch of lame comments about how the movie sucked. Because it didn't. It's just like their HBO specials and if you didn't like it, you don't respect the tasty rock that Jables and Rage Cage supply. Although I maybe didn't need to see an over-sized, exaggerated Jack Black man part grow, in order to unlock the gates of Guitarway to Heaven, but overall, fun, and a great end to the night.

And I loved how right when we got home, Brian had to go play guitar for 2 hours.

Time for beddy bye.

+ posted by Special J at 10:23 PM


Today was the perfect day.

Waking up late. Hot cinnamon rolls on the couch. Watching TV with Brian, for once. Trip to Target. ALL THAT CHRISTMAS GOODNESS. Venti White Chocolate Mocha. Talking with our spaz neighbor. Lighting a fire in the fireplace. Hanging our first Christmas lights. Getting caught up on some work. Eating our third Thanksgiving dinner. Freshly baked cookies. Clean laundry. The kissing monster. Cold and drizzling rain. A clean bathroom. Fresh sheets.
America's Next Top Model.

This week will be a doozy for work. And Brian's leaving. Boo. I hope I get through it all. I'm feeling so happy right now and lucky to have the best husband in the world. He takes such good care of me and is so handsome and snuggly.
He even duck taped closed the little spot in the garage door where the mice sneak in. He loves me that much.

+ posted by Special J at 11:05 PM


Well, today I totally crashed. We took the Scott's to the airport and then I came home and proceeded to set the world record for napping. Then a quick trip to Lowes, where I literally started freaking out about owning a house.

All of these Mom's and Dad's were shuffling around purchasing ways to increase the Christmasitization of their houses. Ah, I don't even know how to fit the car in my garage. I don't know how to tend to the shrubbery that was left over, and we don't even own a hose. Now, we drive down the block this weekend, and I do believe that we live next to 64 Clark Griswald's. Which is basically my dream when it comes to Christmas home decoration, but it puts a lot of stress on me. I want the house to totally rule, but we don't have a ladder.

So I kind of had one of my famous freak-outs and the just watched like 8 programs that I had on the DVR. Then we ate some leftover Thanksgiving, made a Sunday plan, and now I'm working in front of the TV, cheering on my Jayhawks.

Tomorrow will be better. I just seriously think I was never meant to grow up. Do any of you other people feel that way? Like, I was always meant to be 12 and live at home, where the biggest stress was deciding what color of elastic stretch pants to wear to the mixer.

+ posted by Special J at 11:07 PM


No time to blog because we're in a heated second game of cranium.
So I'm posting my Christmas list.

-Pottery Barn Card/Photo Holder: I WANT THIS SO BAD!
-Pottery Barn Wall Calendar
-Gift cards from Archivers, Lowes, Gap, Bananna Republic, Crate & Barrel,
Starbucks, Chipolte, Best Buy, Target, Paper Source.
-Uncle Kenny’s Women Down Booties: (COLOR = BLUE SKY)
-Cool Cool stationary from Papyrus or Statements
-Vera Bradley Large Duffel: (Petal Pink to match my tote)
-This wallpaper:
(If I got enough to cover a wall about 8ft by 5 I would wet my pants, I’d be so excited.)
-Some of your red Christmas plates so that I could use them at my Christmas time.
-Money for an entry way table or mirror.
-capachino machine and/or expresso machine.
-cool board games.
-picture frames I can hang on my wall from POTTERY BARN.
-White Rocking chair for outside on my front porch. (Lowes has a nice one right now.)
-Martha Stewart Baking Handbook. (Just came out last year)
-Martha Stewart White Bins
-Martha Stewart Laundry Hamper. (The one with the cloth bad and THREE separate compartments)
-A nice printer to print out my digital pictures! Yea!
-Tea Towels from here:
-Roladex: (BLACK WALNUT)
- A book that includes all of your good receipes and the meals that you usually make or need for special times.
-Bananna Republic grey, size Large cardigan:
-3 Large Candle Holders from Pier One
-This clock from Target:
-This book: (“Everyone Worth Knowing” by Lauren Weisberger)
-This Scrapbooking book: (“52 Scrapbooking Challenges” by Elsie Flannigan)
-This book: (“Scrap City” by Paul Gambino)
-Fresh Fonts CD
-BOTH post secret books:
(first one)
(second one)

+ posted by Special J at 11:32 PM


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Today was a good day.

Holy cow am I a full girl. We did it. We had thankgiving dinner at my house and it was so awesome that I seriously want to do it daily. Everything turned out perfect.

Love having the Scott's here. Mr. Scott is setting all of our clocks to the correct time, Jenny and I wore identical outfits for most of the day, and Mrs. Scott laid down the card "My 16th Birthday" when we were playing Apples to Apples and she was supposed to be describing the word "Easy" (as in promiscuous).

I miss my family. My dad just called from the Chiefs game and was screaming and held the phone up and was yelling because Creedence Clearwater Revival was playing for the half time show. And Laura called and did about a 5 minute impression from that scene in Titanic where Rose was floating among the ice caps calling out for Jack Dawson.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

+ posted by Special J at 9:23 PM


Can time ever go by a little more slowly?

Today Brian and Rusty Russell suprised the living bejesus out of me by giving me my car. In the flesh. Me licking the leather. People staring at our car at stoplights. Me fondling the 6 disc changer becuase I didn't even have the one disc changer before. Because I had the walkman, plugged into the casette player, plugged into the cigarette lighter. But I digress.

So now I'm BA. Other than that, I got a crap ton (technical term) of laundry done on my half day off, cleaned the house real good, bought two new chairs so we could all eat turkey together, and picked up the Scott's from the airport.

While we were at the Furn Mart waiting for the dudes to bring our chairs out, this huge brother-man just started freaking out about our car. Like calling everyone over to look and basically wanting to jump in and begin his rap career. I'm not gonna lie. It felt good. Especially when he nearly fell over because we told him it had a V8.

Gotta go. The Scott's gave me towels that say "Whole Wheaty Goodness" with wheat bunches mixed with butterflies, so I gotta figure out a place to put them. They're going to basically look good everywhere, so this will be tough.

+ posted by Special J at 11:37 PM


Oh my God. I think this is single-handedly the funniest thing I have ever seen.
I can't stop laughing. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

So, tonight's funny Jenn story comes to us in part by our local Hy-Vee grocer. I should mention again, that I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving dinner EVER. As in, two days, for Brian's family, or my in-laws. I want to do the very best and have them bow down to me because the meal was so fantastic that it put them into a coma.

So, being a good lady, I went to Hy-Vee about a week and a half ago to pre-order my Butterball Turkey. I felt so good about it. Things were looking up. Well, I was scheduled to pick it up today. I made Brian go with me this evening, so we could create some ceremonial first turkey pick-up. Since the meat counter was kind of closed, we grabbed a manager man and he went into the back to retrieve the bird that had my name on it. A few minutes later, out he comes and hands us our first Thanksgiving turkey as a married couple.

I grabbed it at first and I couldn't really hold it because it was getting kind of heavy, so Brian took it and we started walking to the front of the store to checkout. Midway, Brian really starts having trouble holding it because it is so heavy. We pay for it, notice that it's 44 dollars, and out of curiosity, I ask the gal what the heaviest turkey is that she has bagged. Well she told us that it was probably ours. So then, we are carrying it out and Brian is just thinking that this thing is so heavy, so he checks the tag only to notice that it is a 27.43 pound turkey. I think we about barfed. For the people like me who are not experienced in the area of turkey purchasing, I wanted a 13 pound bird for 5 people. So, this 28 pound bird would be like shoving an adult man into the oven. Not going to work. Too big.

After calling our parents we took the bird back to the meat counter and told the toddler who was helping us, that we didn't need 9 birds in the form of one. He didn't understand how this error could have happened, meanwhile, I'm crying inside because my visions of the perfect first Thanksgiving are exploding in my head.

After calling the "Meat Manager" we discovered that there are no more Butterball turkeys in all of Omaha. Apparently there was a shortage? He breaks the news to us that we'll have to settle for a Hy-Vee turkey at half the price, his treat. So before I could scissor-kick him in the nuts, Brian grabbed a new turkey at the right weight and we got our refund and were out of there. I was a titch pissed up until about 20 minutes ago, but now I think I'm feeling better courtesy of the half bag of mint M&M's that I just consumed.

Thank you pilgrims for letting me have a half day of work tomorrow. I really need to work, but instead I'm going to line my dresser drawers and prepare for the company. Meanwhile, my Jeep Commander is driving in from Canada as I type.

+ posted by Special J at 11:36 PM


Lame post. Comin' atcha. I swear tomorrow's shall chronicle the entire weekend of girl time.

Right now, I am wearing jeans that smell like Friday, I just spent a crap ton on Thanksgiving delishiousness,
and I've been driving the loner Commander all over this damn city. It's like a gift.

It kind of smells like my college dorm in here. Nasty. But on the upside, I've broken into some cookie dough squares and am now verging on disgustingly fat. Oh wait, I'm already there.

Thank God today is over. I got a nasty e-mail and shipped a magazine. Also saw no mice, so that was a plus.
Anyways, time to hit the sack, as Dad always says.

+ posted by Special J at 10:48 PM


Well, this will be the lamest post of all time.

I'm very tired and I just want to crawl into bed. But, I will make this post worth your while. This weekend, the girls and I discovered Rosanna goodness Ah, can I just tell you how much I want those. More on the gal weekend to come..

Also, today was a magical day, because.. drum roll please, I NO LONGER DRIVE A TAURUS. That's right kids, we bought the commander. More on that later too. Just so you know, the business manager who was a white, older, large man just kept calling it "SHOWTIME". So look for me out on the roads.

Laura, I know what I want for Christmas. (click here) And if you think i'm kidding, I'm not.
They are so sweet and I would love to welcome it into my home.

Thank you and goodnight.

Senor Pimp.

+ posted by Special J at 10:57 PM


Well, today, I bought my first headband.
Had probably the best day possible out shopping.

And I can finally say that I have honestly tried this on:
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With Melissa. And a gay man. In the dressing room as Steph looked in, growing quickly tired with our antics.
And then I dropped a hundo at J Crew.

Gotta go, sake bombs are calling. Love you.

+ posted by Special J at 7:37 PM


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Lordy. They are about a half an hour away from being in my home.
And I think when Meliss gets here, I'll climb up into her nostrils and take a nap.

I can't wait for all the laughs we're going to have.

+ posted by Special J at 7:16 PM


so, i'm preparing for steph JC and Meliss to come up tomorrow night for a weekend of a thousand pictures, japanese steak house, jams salads, and village pointe shopping. I just can't wait to have my girls here!

Tonight I actually got to leave the house. We went to happy hour at Lazlo's and then Jana and I hit Target. Being able to get out of the house felt like opening a present. I got some new lotion, a sweet sweet grey wool long coat, a shirt with tiny guitars on it, and some of those oreos that have the white chocolate on them. Limited Edition.

I think what I'd like to talk about today, is all the awes music that is coming out right now. Let's take a listen, shall we, to some of the songs off of CDs that I will be purchasing just as fast as I can buy a car and get over to Best Buy:

1.) Emery acoustic CD: (click here and listen to The Ponytail Parades)
2.) Tenacious D's second CD: (click here and listen to Classico)
3.) Brand New's third CD: (click here to listen to Sowing Season)

So good. Perfect music for me.
Well, it's bed time now. Thank God Emmit Smith won dancing with the Stars. He wore the hell outta those bicep rubber bands. Man deserves the trophy. Plus, Cheryl had a nice haircut. Mario and Karina need to get a room.
And Mario needs to learn how to say Karina correctly, and in English. Nighty night.

+ posted by Special J at 11:18 PM


It's Laura Day.
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The comedy bible is your style
also your number's on speed dial.
Cause we talk every hour,
through the day.
You say
pour the sauce onto the meat
so sweet
Roger, this is your mother.

When Brian's gone
and out of town
you don't yawn,
you stay up until four to talk.
Used to be an Oak Hill Hawk.
Used to do dances to the jams of jock.

Kneeslides and LYLAS,
as in sax.
Kelly and Zach gettin' a shake at the Max
Being a carhop pays the billz.

Hot sauce and genitals don't feel good.
Robair knew they would
because it's hot
and he takes a lot of pictures.

Puppy chow till I D-I-E
stealin' 20's from mommy
climb a tree
with Jack Weinstein.

+ posted by Special J at 10:59 PM


I had the worst day today. More worse than any other day in my life. Well, maybe. But it was pretty bad.
I don't want to talk about it, either.

I literally spent all day working. Brian brought me some Taco Bell nachos and I pretty much have the chocolate room painted. And it rules hard. I watched the Bachelor from last night and I'm totally rooting for Sadie. I mean, can a person be any cuter? It's just not possible. Too bad the brown haired chick blew it. And I think that the fact that the other gal's Dad kept loading his automatic weapon on the hometown dates, maybe didn't put her in first place either.

Also planned Thanks giving with Jenny tonight and Robair interviewed me. I do love him so. Also, Laura and I told funny stories on the phone. And this is officially the 8th day in a row that those boys with Bibles came and rang the doorbell. All in all, it's been a heck of a day. I'm going to go lay in my favorite new bed and snuggle up to some Dr. McDreamy while my eyelids get heavy. Peace.

+ posted by Special J at 10:41 PM


Hey guys!

Another day of not leaving the house and nothing much to report. This morning before work I invested some time on the couch catching up on Laguna Biatch. Honestly, I want to shrink Rocky and her boyfriend down and put them in a little glass bottle and carry them around in my pocket. Could that dude be any cuter? He basically caused me to ask Brian why we didn't go to prom together and why couldn't we go to prom right now, this second, together.
And then he brought me back to reality by saying that he didn't know me in St. Louis and that he was in the popular cool group when I was playing in the band with pimples and taking German class.

So in honor of my Laguna lovers, I give you the following video clip. Of annoying and boobalicious Cammy.
Or however you spell her fat name. She needs to calm the twins down and go drown Kendra in a river with her boyfriend that looks like a fisher price Ashley Olson doll.

Other than that, the guest room is getting browner, people. It's only Tuesday, and I can't wait until the new Real World starts. Have you seen the preview special? Holy cow. They've done it again. Joey's in da slamma! Ok, time to go watch another episode of MSNBC's prison documentaries. I wasn't kidding. Last night there was a section on gay prisoners. Man, some of them, you couldn't even tell if they were boy or girl. I kind of laughed a little out loud.

Shout out to my sis Laura. Chin up buttercup. Maybe this will make your day?
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+ posted by Special J at 11:14 PM


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(thanks CLC for the best postcard of my young life.)

Well today started out kinda early when I received back to back calls from a young spanierd gentlemen asking for Tony. I patiently explained to him that he had the wrong number the first time and rolled back over to bed. He then called 30 seconds later asking for Tony again and I told him wrong number again, and to please stop calling because it was 3 in the morning. Being the eager beaver he was, he then called again from a different number at 7AM on the dot. I was still in la la land and told him that he AGAIN, had the wrong number. This time he told me to stop playing games and just to put Tony on the line. I promised him that there was no Tony. He got mad and told me that I could either put Tony on the line or stop playing games with him. Because he raised his tone with me, that man got the dial tone. Brian thinks the Tone-meister was involved in a Spanish drug ring.

After falling back asleep, I woke up much later, Brian brought me some cinnamon rolls in bed, and I watched another episode of my new Grey's Anatomy. It was a cool morning. After that, I finished painting the master bedroom, we made our 564th trip to Lowes, and I boldly went where no man had gone before: started to paint my guest bed room in a dark chocolate. I'm talking, the paint looks like melted milk chocolate and I almost had to withhold myself from sticking a finger in and licking myself. It's drastic...dramatic...rich. And Brian hates it. But I think it looks classy.
And it matches the bedspread perfectly. We'll see how the guests like it this weekend.

I couldn't help it. After reading Rachel's blog, me and Brian booked it on over to our local Starbucks where I drooled all over their cute new Christmas mugs, cups, and decorations. So cute. I tested out the Peppermint Mocha and immediately was ready for snow and holly berries. Bring it on, old man winter. I even saved my Java Jacket, because it was so gorgeous and deliciously cute. I'm serious. Go try one and thank me in the morning.

I made Jenny Scott's chicken chili tonight with cornbread. It made me feel really good to use all of our fun plates and containers and dishes and make a real meal in my new kitchen. It was delish and we'll have good leftovers the whole week.

Got some groceries tonight, discovered a close brand new Hy-vee really close to me, found out my sisters are coming for a visit (!) and just feeling really good. I can't wait for my girls to come this weekend, and I pre-ordered my first turkey tonight.
Last night Brian was also periodically waking up and singing that Hinder song, "Lips of an Angel". I mean, he was so groggy and I would wake him up to ask him something and he would just start singing that stupid butt rock song.
It was so funny and he didn't even remember any of it the next day. That's my Bri.

+ posted by Special J at 11:11 PM


Today we met with Rusty Russell.
And it looks like by the end of this next week, I'll be the biggest pimp in Omaha.

Today I just mainly painted, picked out a nice chocolate brown for the guest bedroom, took a 4 hour nap, and then Brian and I went to dinner at the new Cheesecake Factory with Jana. It was delish, I lost an earring (as usual) and we couldn't even wait two seconds after arriving at home before tearing into our cheesecake at the kitchen table.

Tomorrow, I'm painting the guest room (dedicated to my two favorite Pri ladies) and going to Target to treat myself to some bedside lamps and this paper garland.

Ok. Now's its bed time and I'm gonna go get into my jams and watch TV with my main squeeze.

+ posted by Special J at 11:43 PM


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BRIAN WRITES: This is the greatest and best blog post ever. It also happens to be my first. I don't really have anything funny or clever to say because that's just not my style. I am very tired cause Jenn and I have been working on the new crib everynight and weekend. It is exhausting but it looks great.

The best part of the new house is the unfinished basement also known as the future home of my recording studio. Right now it serves as a nice venue for me to rock out. I set the old surround sound up and my Marshall up turned up to eleven, then I rock out for a couple of hours. My goal is to one day produce a 3 song demo.

The other part that I really like about the house is that it makes Jenn so happy.
She finally has the office she deserves and a nice open floor plan to go crazy with and decorate.

----JENN HERE----

I thought I'd give Brian the keyboard tonight.
Truth be told, I don't think he really liked me forcing him to type while I finished painting.

Today was a long day. I didn't even leave the house, I didn't even put on a bra. (How's that for an entry about my left boob, Meliss?) At about 10:30pm, Brian and I decided to go and treat ourselves to some starbucks. They didn't answer at the drive through, so we had to go to Sheridan's where I tried ordering a White Chocolate Steamer.
I couldn't even say it to the lady at the window without laughing. And to tell you the truth, it tasted like popcorn.

Tomorrow it's round two at the suckiest Jeep dealership in the world. This is their final chance. We're meeting with Rusty Russell. I mean, seriously. And why in the world did Brian schedule the appointment for 10:45am?
Beats the heck outta Dodge. I could have been sawing logs. Oh well. That's about all from the land of excitement.

Kris, how come I didn't get a call from California. Sniff. Laura pees on Karen's tree and she even gets a call.
The world ain't right.

+ posted by Special J at 11:21 PM


Cripes, to tell you the truth, blogging is the last thing I want to do right now.
The highlight of my day was spreading mayo on my sandwich for lunch.
Seriously. Or maybe that I did 4 loads of laundry in my new duets. Or maybe that I took a poo that broke the water line.

I can't wait for this weekend. I'm painting my butt off. (Wouldn't that be great if I literally did?) We picked a few good options for the front hall and I'm still deciding on a really good one for that guest bedroom. I finally feel like I live here and I love living here. I can't wait. We even looked at putting up some crown molding in a few days.

Brian and I ate the Chipolte today. Barbacoa in my mouth. Except the boy put a little too many beans in, if you know what I mean. My first bite was all bean. It sucked. I think tonight before we go to bed, we're going to re-visit the Bluth family. I kind of miss 'em. If you don't know who they are, e-mail me privately and I will make you feel like a moron.

In an effort to try to keep being cool, can you guys give me some ideas to write about? Leave 'em in the comments. Seriously, otherwise, tomorrow I'm going to tell you about how I switched it up and used the honey instead of the spicy mustard. I need a vacation.

+ posted by Special J at 10:13 PM


Oh boy, tonight has been quite the night.

We started out by going to the our first car dealership in order to check out the fore mentioned JEEP COMMANDER.
I was so excited.
We weren't two minutes out of our car when this dude walks up to us and immediately becomes our sales rep.
He looked a lot like this:
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Yes, that's really Forrest Whittaker.
He's an actor. But seriously, that's what this homeboy looked like. Immediately I made the connection,
thought to myself how I would blog about this, and then searched Google images for Forrest Whittaker.
And found this:
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Moving on. This guy kept calling us (even me) "bra" like he was Dog Chapman or something. Well, he wasn't. I'm a big believer in making a connection with someone when I'm buying something major or trusting in their services. I needed someone to make me feel good about the Jeep Commander. Forrest was not the answer to my prayers. He kept pointing out the rims on the cars (those of which were like escalades, not commanders). I told him I wanted a black one and he kept trying to see me the silver one on the floor. He laughed in disbelief when we said what kind of money we wanted to put down, and he obviously asked us what kind of a house we were living in so that he knew how much he could hike the price up. I got sour news for ya Jack, I wasn't born yesterday.

Then I took that puppy for a spin. With Forrest homeboy in the front seat. I panic when I have to drive with not-normal people in the seat, so I was like going down the wrong way on roads and never breaking 30mph.
I wanted to take that sweet vehicle into the sunset, with Brian by my side, not P Diddy Whittaker.

I kept asking him significant questions, questions about the different engines, different years, and I got NOTHING. Apparently EVERY SINGLE CAR IS THE SAME? Then he asked us what was stopping us from buying the car tonight.
I about peed on his face. Ah, did you miss the part where we told you that you were the first dealership/professional that we've ever seen since we were born?

But the cherry on the sundae was when his pal Vino (4 foot 2) came to shake our hand (so limply it was sick) and thank us for coming in. He didn't explain who he was or what he did, but just expressed how much he wanted to help us find a car.

Seriously, i was so ticked after this visit. Horrible. I won't give them my business if they were the last dealership on earth. F. Whittaker decided to shake Brian's hand at the end and then turned to me and walked right by and into his car. No handshake for me, the person needing the car.

Ah well. I made up for it by polishing off some Halloween candy. Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy came from Amazon today, so that basically made my life. Jones/Cole just im'ed me with "tit tit jackass I love you" and I memorized the entire Gettin' Jiggy Wit It rap today over some light work.

+ posted by Special J at 9:15 PM


"If you're havin' IE problems, I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but a browser ain't one."

God I'm sweating. I'm currently working on painting the master bed room. I'm about two seconds from eating the paint and calling it a day. It's gonna look so good when it's done. Steph and Meliss, you might want to hang out in that room on November 17th. God I can't wait to see you girls. Let's eat cookie dough and stay up real late and call each other lighthouses and Meliss can journal everything we say, secretively in a tiny book tucked into her purse.

But seriously, tomorrow starts operation PIMP my ride. Meaning, take the taurus to a dumpster in China and run away fast so it can't find it's way home. I ventured out over lunch today to cash some checks at the bank and I discovered it's no longer letting me gas it over 25mph without feeling like there is a toy pony in the engine, trying to kick itself out in order to get to the birthday party on time. I don't feel safe and I've decided that after pumping in about 600$ a month ago, I'm giving up on that thing and moving into something straight PIMP:
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Hell to the YEAH. It's the 2006 Jeep Commander that has my name written all over it. Affordable, roomy for when we start pumping out the kids in 29 years, and a force to be reckoned with on the road. People might think I'm a real rapper in this thing. Bri and I are going to the dealership tomorrow to gawk at it. I'm just excited to get any car that actually has a built in CD player, because I'm still enjoying the sounds of my Walkman hooked up through the cigarette lighter and tape player.

Sweet mother of mercy, I was so happy to hear that Britney dumped the KFed. Seriously. About time. I hope she gets all pretty again and stuff. She's so interesting to me and I need some more E Hollywood specials or interviews with Matt Lauer. Now all she needs to do is get back with Justin T. and I'll be a happy Nebraskan.


+ posted by Special J at 10:33 PM


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+ I was born in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Yes I own a foam cheesehead.
+ My favorite color is blue.
+ I have an freakishly warped fear of flying on airplanes. But I still do it very often.
+ I fart and pick my nose in front of my husband. I strongly believe that if you can't do that, you aren't close enough. Poop with that door wide open.
+ We only went camping to National Parks for our childhood vacations. They were the best trips ever.
Way better than a resort or Disney.
+ I have a sick obsession with the internet and with TV shows.
+ I've seen a live bear very close up in the wild.
+ I hate driving. HATE IT.
+ I love watching pro football and college basketball.
+ I am a night owl and can't wait up in the morning unless you put taco bell under my nose.
+ Sometimes I think I have OCD when it comes to organization.
+ I'm not very talented with keeping plants alive.
+ I never went to prom. Or any dance for that matter.
+ I never throw away a magazine.
+ I love my three sisters so much.
+ I can't watch any type of scary movie. I won't be right for a week.
+ I wish I didn't have a cellular phone.
+ I know the words to just about every song. Be it "American Pie" or some rap, I'll do it from beginning to end.
Except country. In my opinion, that music is a waste of time.
+ I used to think I was going to marry Jim Carrey.
+ I have a severe stress problem.
+ I won't take the first item off the shelve. I alway have to take the second.
+ I can't open my eyes under water.
+ I was born with a broken collar bone.
+ I always need a sweet treat after dinner.
+ When I first became a girl scout, I was devastated to learn that we didn't do regular activities with the boy scouts.
I thought that's how it worked.
+ I don't like messing with my eyes. They are sensitive and I often compare them to Gail Dever's.
+ I want to go to Maine real bad.
+ I love a good sandwich.
+ I press too hard when I write with a pencil.

+ posted by Special J at 8:09 PM


This is the reason I was put here on earth:
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So today was errand day. Made my 8th trip to Lowes and Bed, Bath & Beyond. Drove way too long with the grill's propane tank in my car. Had images while I was in the grocery store that my car was exploding in the parking lot.

So I had the best time with my parents. Loved having them here. Dad kept walking around the house and using words like "elegant" and "exquisite" and "classy" which made me feel pretty good. I kind of came to a realization that the house cannot possible be all decorated and done so fast. Things will take time even though I don't want them too.
We played our first game of dominoes as a family at my new kitchen table. I pretty much sucked it up.

This morning we all had breakfast at Le Peep where I dined on the Mini Denver. I also burned my mouth on a mocha. Then after we saw the parents off, Bri and I bought our first Turkey roaster oven. Because, yes, we're having his family over for that blessid holiday. But that post is another day, another time.

For dinner, we cooked some brats and onions, ate at the new table, and had some of mom's supreme pumpkin bars.
I should probably go running tomorrow. Then we had to watch a re-run of Jericho which the Tivo decided to be gay and not tape, so we watched it online, in my office, from my computer while laying on the floor all cuddled up in a blanket learning about nuclear bombs. Courtesy of the onions, I may have let a few nuclear bombs slip, myself.

After that, we hung my bulletin boards (!) and my plants and made our Christmas lists and called it a night.
I can't wait to dive into that sweet bed o' mine.

Shout out to sister Steph who never gets any mention on this blog: I love you so much. It meant so much to have you come visit. I can't wait to see the pictures you took for photography and I can't wait for you to buy me some of your eyeshadow. I fully expect you to come up with Laura for some late nights and puppy chow. And organizing.
Maybe I can be your maid of honor?

Now I'm off to that bed I mentioned earlier and probably going to click around the channels for 2 hours because we found the remote, people. Thank God, because I've really been missing those late-night MSNBC inside-the-prision-system documentaries.

+ posted by Special J at 11:09 PM


Well the Halls are in the cornland. They drove the truck and it was so jammed full of my childhood trinkets that all three of them had to ride in the front seat like the Clampets. But by God, they bought our extra double bed.
So it's official.. now we can have all of you come and visit. So hop to it.

After the grand tour and about a 5 hour home update care lecture from dad, we all hopped in the car and ate at Roja where I feasted on their famous fa-jite-ahs. Were they ever good. I shall mention that before we even made it to the restaurant, MY FAMILY had to stop and the brand new Nestle Toll House store.
Could there be anything better on earth? We basically cleaned them out. Dad chose the oatmeal scotchies. Don't ask.

After dinner, we wound up at Kohls, where my Mom came alive. She loves that place. We returned and got the correct duvet filler and a mattress pad. You know, just your average Saturday night. Oh yeah, and then we all went to Menard's and did a store check with Dad. He tried to convince me that it's the best thing since sliced bread, but I was slightly embarrassed as he kept bringing all the P&G products to the front of their displays.

Anywhoo, Mom's laying on the floor of my office, her face is turning so red, and she's about to wet herself because she's laughing so hard, because her eldest daughter looks partly like Jimmy Carter and a black person.

+ posted by Special J at 9:51 PM


By the hair of my chinny chin chin.

I wanted to write about the movie I saw on Wednesday night. Marie Antionette.
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Now, seeing Kirsten Dunst makes me want to barf out of every hole. Especially when I see her two snaggle tooth fangs. But by God, if this wasn't the best movie ever. It was a film by Sophia Coppola. I loved Lost in Translation. This movie was just beautiful. Filmed very modernly and kept my interest going the whole time. It was so artistically done that it made me want to cry. And mind you, history was my worst subject and also made me cry. Just excellent eye candy. And I don't mean the part where you get to see her ace, twice. But it was awesome to sit through and I can't wait till I can purchase a copy for my hot little hands.

We're quickly getting ready for my parents tomorrow. This house deal is wearing me thin. We got an all-white kitchen table courtesy of Martha's factory and I am in love with it. Everything is coming together and it makes me so happy.

I'll leave you with this picture. Imagine me, opening up a forward that my mother sent to me. It asks you to stare at this image for 20 seconds. Meanwhile, I am making a call to an advertiser and then leaving him a voicemail, when the image on the screen changes to a big butt and plays THE loudest fart, ever in history, through my speakers, while I'm in mid-message-leaving. Thanks Mom. XOXO.

+ posted by Special J at 11:54 PM


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Well, the farm got a haircut this morning.

I noticed a very loud noise and ran to a back window to find that the crops were being cleared out for the winter. Laura and I prefer to assume that the aliens are driving the machine and we're just a part of the movie, "Signs".
I prefer to think of the land as the "If you build it, they will come" cornfield.

Brian's finally home from a week long stay in Dallas. Can I just tell you how horrible I sleep at night when he is not there. I guarantee you that when he is not here, I do not do well. I sleep with ALL lights on, lamps on, and definitely the TV going. Only, on this occasion, because of stupid moving, I can't find the TV clicker. So, I settled on the Disney channel, because of it's consistency in providing non-scary background programming while I sleep with one eye open. Shout out to Laura for being available 24/7 to talk to. She tells me Robair's dirty jokes and waits while I put the phone down to brush my teeth.

Name a restaurant and I have eaten there in the past two weeks. Sick me out. And the 4 bags of Halloween candy that wasn't taken, yeah, that's probably in my stomach. I have taken the cake for grossness and yet, I still want Taco Bell right now.

Well, just wanted to get this post in on time. Now it's back downstairs to finish painting that fine-ass kitchen. I love this house. Hopefully Sue and John the Jammer will too. Cause they're coming on Saturday and spending the night. Look out.

+ posted by Special J at 11:30 PM


Well hello.

Thus begins November 1. I, as well as many cool kids across America, will be participating in NaBloPoMo.
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For many of you, this will be a dream. Me, posting every day, for your pure enjoyment. Although I'm about as interesting as a piece of crap, I promise to post every day this month. Let's see if I make it through.
Nobody's brilliant before breakfast.

So, the big news is that I moved into this palace:
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I mean, I feel like I won the lottery. Seriously. I am licking my baseboards, I am that thrilled. It's a little further out than when we previously lived in a closet (Steeplechase Apts). We closed about a week ago. We were supposed to close at 8:30am on Friday, as stated on our beautiful CONTRACT. Um, that they had in their hot little hands for a month. Well, darn it if we didn't do a walk through on Thursday and find that the fat man that owned it's stomach decided to explode all over the house. There were sticky fingers everywhere. Like on the fan pulls, inside cabinets, doorknobs, and by the toilets. I think this family ate everywhere. Even in the basement by the furnace. There's probably a Hershey bar in our sump pump. And I don't even want to talk about the laundry room. It was one second away from being a grocery store on the floor. For those of you thinking I am insane for purchasing this house, it didn't look like this on the many walk throughs we had. I think the family just went retarded before they moved out.

Did I mention that nothing was moved out except for like one sofa with about 8 hours before we were supposed to get the keys? Our bomb realtor took charge and by 3pm the next day (way late yes I know), we were doing our final FINAL walk through and I could have bathed in the cleanliness that was that house. It was awes. Oh, but one thing. Busta Cannabiscuits took his nice fridge with him, that was in the contract saying we could keep it, that he signed, 4 times. That fridge of glory was ours. I wasn't planning on buying a new one, so I needed him to wheel it back fast. So, our realtor did some calling and apparently, they are gay and didn't realize it was in the contract on page 1, in the 4th sentence, hand-written. Yeah, apparently that didn't stand out to them. They cried and whined, and grew really mad. On one occurrence, I was at the house doing a walk through and he was there, really pissed, and shaking his head a lot. He looked at me and said, "Are YOU the buyer?" Yeah, basically translating into I am 12 years old and I should not be old enough to be doing this. Before you think I'm a big beotch, please know this fridge was like top of the line, therefore, could play a part in the final price of the house, my personal budget, and the comfort in knowing that our food could be cold directly after the close date.

Aparently, their realtor lacks a brain and kept trying to make excuses, when all he really needed to do was read the contract to his client. Um, any of the four ones we sent over. So, what happened, is that before we closed, we met him over at the Furn Mart where he purchased the exact same fridge for us. Brand new, warranty included.
And we closed. And guess who delivered it the next day. Ah, the previous owner? Yeah that was awkward.

So we're in:
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At first, it was like, ah, any day now these people are going to come home and wonder why I am living in their rooms. But so far that hasn't happened. It's so huge for us and we both get an office, have a guest bedroom for all you visitors, and probably the most goregous view that I get to smell every day:
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Eat that. Yeah, I am the most anti-country person ever, but this view is just so calming and vast. Totally cool.
Brian wants to run through the corn stalks, but I think I'll pass.

One minor problem with large corn field: we found a mouse in the house. But, I will not freak out here. Trust me, I've cried enough for the both of us. Brian set about 20 traps and our house became the red death trap for all rodents that dare to enter. I hope the word got out that two of their little buddies ain't coming home. Seriously, gross me out with a stick. We got two in the garage, and havent' see any more for a week. And I'm leaving whole pieces of cheese on the floor. A cheese floormat. And NOTHING. So, I'm doing much better, and all is well again.

I've been a little absent and stressed with shipping the magazine and making my house my own. I'm painting left and right and arranging and basically making this fort the mansion of the midwest. My parents are coming this weekend, so I have to go paint the kitchen now. And maybe take a shower, since the number of days in the house is significantly greater than showers taken in the same time period.

PS, I was more excited for the trick-or-treaters than they were themselves. We didn't get a ton, but I did get to meet some nice neighbors in the process. I hope they didn't mind the fact that when I opened my mouth to smile, there were large ammounts of fried rice stuck to my gums because I was chowing down in between doorbell rings.

+ posted by Special J at 4:34 PM