7/17/2009

Right. I haven't blogged in a calendar year. Got that. But I promised an update for tonight, so I shall fill you in on what has been my summer. I am still okay. The economy is still taking a crap in my mouth every day. But I'm still doing the damn thing. I'll go through some quick updates to catch you up on the life of white lightning.

St. Louis

Visited my nephew, which in turn made me want to mate with Brian. Or become a baby snatcher. Went to giant antique show with my sister-in-law, which I will now be attending every single year. Bought a lot of things including a billboard-size picture of Beethoven. Definitley went to Double D's where I closed the bar down with my karaoke rendition of Gangster's Paradise. After I was done I got a handshake from a large and very scary black man. Died a little death when I had to leave baby Jonah.

Pasadena, CA

Went for my cousin's wedding. At a mansion. Big Hall Family reunion. Made my mother ride in a cab for the first time to In-N-Out Burger. Smeared those burgers all over my face. Shopped with my Aunt. Ate cupcakes. Bought a pink beret? Stayed up late and talked to the fam in the hotel lobby every night. Tore it up on the dance floor until some whore in a melon-colored dress pierced through my toenail with her stripper heel. Thank you for letting me experience pain like that. Saw some Monet, Picasso, and other art pieces that Mrs. Stang would have been proud of. Went to Huntington Gardens. Please bury me there. Did a few days in LA. Walked West Hollywood. At at Ketchup. Very gay man next to me kept yelling, "THANK YOU MADONNA" throughout his meal while he spoonfed his 13 year old boy/dinner partner. Celebrated 4 years of marriage with my dreamboat. Flew without having a massive heart attack.

Coldplay Concert: Omaha, NE

God, great show. Now I want to marry Chris Martin. Montie, Liz, Taylor, Ashli came up and we also had a recording sesh in the basement. Somebody farted all through the Coldplay concert, and surprisingly it wasn't me. Snow Patrol was there too. Also, did I mention that I wanted to hump Chris Martin?

My 28th Birthday

Drumroll please, my parents came up to Omaha. Seriously the best birthday probably besides the first one. Brian suprised me with a Coach purse and I think you can tell by this picture that I pretty much lost my marbles when I touched that leather. Took Mom and Dad to the Air and Space Museum. Let Dad choose where we would take him for Father's Day breakfast. He seriously chose Denny's. Like a Denny's connected to a hotel. You'll never know how amazing it was to have my parents up here. I would get facial tatoos in honor of them, I love them that much.

Palm Desert, CA

And I stress desert. 113 degrees every single day and I sweat a lot. Brian's grandparents celebrating their 80th birthdays. Ate in my first Fish-O-Rama. Something scratched at our condo bedroom sliding glass door all night. Dominated in pool volleyball even though I looked like a humpback whale in front of Brian's extended family. Flew on very tiny planes. Delta, you suck. Found my dream pair of gladiator sandals and I am killing it in them. Shopped it up and developed my addition of almonds. Watched Michael Jackson coverage until my eyeballs bled.

And there you have it. More stories coming at you soon. Right now, it's 2AM and I'm not getting any younger. Almonds, take cover.