4/30/2008

How's it hanging? Long and hairy and hard to carry?

Well today I saw my second snake on the lake path, week two of running that goddamn lake. After I saw it I was convinced that it went up my pant leg. This one had stripes on it and moved faster than I normally drive. Now I'm just waiting for a bird to fly down and peck my eyes out.

Have you guys been watching TV? The hottie bachelor is totally going to end up with Shae and have a plastic mother in law. The new Real World is INSANE. Nasty stripper, Joey with his puppy dog eyes and severe alcohol abuse problem. America's Next Top Model with stupid Fatima who didn't have her travel papers in order and oh, she has her genitals sewed shut. And Greys.. someone needs to tell Rose to go walk in traffic.

Well let's talk about something more ladylike.
It has come to my attention that you all need to see how I re-decorated my guest room. This was originally my most hated room in the house. FYI, I hate the color of wood. Let's paint it all white, I say. So here we go. My first attempt at being crafty.


If you hate it, I don't care. The idea came from the website Purl Bee. There is also a Flickr Group. Let me tell you, this was a labor of love. Brian and I almost killed each other over the hanging of these. Luckily, we pushed through and now allow all of our guests to slumber and make-out under them.


I'm not lying when I say, sometimes I come into the room and just stare fondly at the arrangement. Or fondle the arrangement. Or lick the walls.

Well, that's gonna wrap it up for this Wednesday's installment. Gotta go park it on the couch with a bowl of nightly ice cream. Love Ya.

4/27/2008

Well, I had a nice little weekend. Totally trying to simplify my and really evaluate what I do and how I do it. Had a minor freak-out early in the week and then super-Bri came to the rescue and helped me back down to Earth. I have to realize that I can't do everything, I can't monitor every blog in the world, and there aren't 56 hours in one day. And that's okay. Now if I can only be faster at things and finish what I start.

Friday night, Brian and I went out on a little date night to Bianco. Little did we know you needed reservations and a sweater around your neck. But somehow, the lady squeezed us into a nice table by the window. Where I could see the black and white Italian movie that was being projected up onto the far back wall. We enjoyed a cup of Seafood bisque, some flatbread, gin and tonics, wine, and the most delish linguine with spinach, butter sauce, and four big shrimp. So much so that I could have gotten my face stuck in that bowl of heaven. We also enjoyed a tiny desert and then ran off to target, a little tipsy, where we purchased a lamp shade and a sticker that says "Protect Your Nuts". Just a typical Friday night for the Scotts.

On Saturday, Brian had already been playing XBox for a solid two hours before I woke up. I started the day with a quick episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, the one where Cara gets roller blades. I'm not gonna lie, I was a cranky son of a gun all morning, so I decided to hit up the Village Pointe shops. I am loving Bananna Republic lately. Like as much as my own Mother. I thoroughly enjoy buying blouses that fit in bright colors that are so bright and joyous, they make people have seizures. I even got a dress for my upcoming birthday which will be celebrated in Hilton Head this year. I called sister Laura in the middle of my shopping to tell her that I wished she lived next door so that we could always be together and hang out every waking moment.

Three hours later and my sister just went up 50 more points on the awesome-scale and I discovered that going with a brown-theme eye make-up night does not work worders for my face.

Laura, thank you for coming up. It's just what the doctor ordered. Little Joey even got to sneak in a few tissues to eat. We went to Jams for the dinner of champions and then hit the clubs and found someones gift card for a free deluxe facial. Maybe next time you should mind your gift cards instead of sexually humping the booth seat. When we got home, me and Laura had some girl talk while Joe and Brian sang loudly in the basement with the guitar and drums. Then, the next morning it was Tuna Melt time at Paradise and then time to feel like you're goddamn pregnant because you ate too much tuna melt.

Then I took a short two hour nap on the couch, proceeded to jack my neck up so bad that I probably need surgery, and watched our favorite Kardashian family on the tube. I've been doing on and off work all day, mixed with some laundry, and then because the neighbors started to, I mowed the lawn for the first time this summer.




It was satisfying as usual. Then Brian grilled me up a sausage and spent the rest of the night ripping down a shed under our deck with the neighbor. Back to the grind tomorrow with more runs around the lake and seeing RENT on Friday. Pleased as punch.

4/23/2008

The past two nights my dreams have gone something like this:

-scavenger hunt with Christina Aguilara and Snoop Dogg.
-won world title of best female wrestler in the world. All I had to do was line up side by side against this other girl who (in real life) I read her blog but do not know her. Then we had to do a series of sommersaults in a row, down a line. Then when we got down and back, we had to take this pen and guide a dot of light to the target on the board. And I won because she had trouble dragging the light dot to the target. All I really remember after that is receiving a gift basket and putting the shirt on that they gave me and realizing it had a really wide neck and it was off the shoulder so that it could showcase my muscles and I was kind of pissed it did that.

In real and actual news, I'm a little stunned at the latest two e-mails my parents have separatley sent to me. Those of you who know John and Sue, know that one spends 26 hours a day knitting washclothes and the other likes to wash down his war movies down with 6 mountain dews a night.


God love 'em.

But so my Dad e-mails me first.
The e-mail asks, Can you name the famous model from this picture?

I don't even want to read further because why is my conservative Dad, who didn't allow me or my sisters to go to school dances, sending me thong pictures. I go on.


Fooled you! It was a close up of some sausage!

Later on that night I talk to my dad on the phone and he asks if I got the e-mail.
He went on for like 20 minutes: "DIDN'T THAT FIRST PICTURE LOOK LIKE A REAL MODEL?" "DIDN'T IT HAVE YOU FOOLED? I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL MODEL!"
All the while, I'm thinking if I had an ass that tan, a piece of heavy-duty cord going up my crack wouldn't be my only problem.

Then I get this e-mail from Mom:

...telling me that there's a recall at Wal-Mart because their beach chairs seem to be faulty.

Wow. So racy. More over the weekend on how my life is unfolding. I'm running around a lake now at lunchtime.
It actually feels like someone is knifing me in the thighs. I'm also hosting a small dinner party tomorrow and we had cinnamon rolls for dinner tonight.

4/07/2008

Brian and I headed to Lawrence this weekend to watch our Jayhawks beat North Carolina on Saturday night. This was probably one of the greatest nights of my life. I knew right when we beat Davidson, I wanted to spend the next night, the most important game in my opinion, in Lawrence Kansas. I was there in Memorial Stadium like 6 years ago when Roy shouted at the crowd, "I'm not going anywhere! I will retire and die a Jayhawk." Then he left. Now he's a liar and I'll always hate him. The next day on campus, every square inch of sidewalk had chalk messages written about Roy's leaving. Now it was our chance to play him and his golden team for the first time ever.


This game was and will always be bigger and more important than any other game we have played. We watched the game at the Jazzhaus, I think I felt 12 hours of complete shivers, we rioted on Mass, and it was seriously one of the coolest moments in my 26 years on earth. A night I'll never forget. I am so proud to be a Jayhawk.

We came in to Gardner on Friday night. Brian had been in KC all week for a work meeting and I was making my second trip of the week. We grilled some sweet hamburgers and had a relaxing night watching I Am Legend, where in my sleep I imagined zombies gutting me alive in the middle of the night.

The next night, we woke up early and nervous and headed to Lawrence for the big game. We dined at La Parilla (which is probably why I had gas later in the night) and walked around Mass Street. We had beers at Harbor Lights, Jo Schmos, and Jackpot. We had worked out an agreement to meet Laura's friend Farver at Jefferson's throughout the day to guarentee us a table there for the game. He was the manager there and said we'd be golden. We kept checking back and telling him there was a homemade sign on the window full of names of groups that had been waiting for a table since 10:30am. They were supposed to close Jefferson's at 4, kick everyone out, and then re-open at 4:30 for the game. Farver said the list wasn't going to count and that he was going to rip it down and we'd be fine if we stood right by the door. So we did. Then 4:30 came and a girl came out and sure enough, started calling groups off the list. We kept looking at Farver and he just blankly looked back at us. I thought he was cool, but now he's permanetly on my shit list. I wanted some of those chicken fingers.

Paniced, we told the guys we didn't have a spot anymore. Maybe some of you don't understand the severity of this. On mass, at every single bar or restaurant, it cost $100 to get a table. If you could even get in. Or early enough. At Brothers, it was $5 for girls and $10 for guys. It was like nothing I've ever seen before. And we wanted to be on Mass street beacuse even mid-afternoon, they were starting to close it off. I thought Montie and Brian were going to kill me. I've never seen them so angry. They ran to check out Harbor Lights and we found two booths at Jackpot, but then quickly realized we didn't want to watch the game on a shitty TV with a bunch of emo grown-ups. Laura and I sprinted over to Jazzhaus and secured a long line of tables and chairs and it ended up that there couldn't be a more perfect spot to watch the game. The bar was close to our seats, huge bigscreen, you could go next door and get Jimmy Johns and bring it back up..



Our group was there and we sat through the Memphis game with the help of Mr. Boulevard. Montie got into a small fight with another one of Laura's friends after he took our pitcher (hey, they were limited). The 12 year old dude asked montie if he know he was and I'm not going to lie, I thought the fists were going to come out. But all got well when the game came on. Cheers when they showed Bill Self on TV and the loudest BOOS when they showed Roy on TV. Me, Liz, and Laura stood up on the seats and literally willed every basket in. 40-12 at almost halftime? THE PLACE WAS ELECTRIC. I told everyone we would know if we could win it in the first two minutes of the game. Who was going to show up to play. And my prayers were answered. I've never seen better Kansas basketball.



It was weird. We kept looking at the score as if it almost wasn't real. We were murdering them. Tyler who? The game was just a big blur. Lots of screaming. High fives and chest bumps (Jarod even went for the high five and just ended up slamming me in the eye. Then Laura said not to start crying because I would make him feel bad. Ok, but that's cool, cause I'm blind.) Laura's friend Finger came to the game. He bought about 80 rounds of shots. One time me and Brian even caught Finger tipping up the round bar tray and draining the excess liquid into his shot glass and then drinking up. Totally sick, Finger. We started a conga line with a few adult Dads. I was dancing like reckless abandon when Pussy Control came over the speakers. Who am I? I don't have moves. We were just freaking out after the win and poured outside onto mass where I have never seen so many people in my life.



All we were doing is literally running up and down through the crowd giving everyone we could a high five. People were just screaming. The band was down there. I hugged our class president. I saw all my friends. I climbed on a truck and had cops take pictures of me. I was chest bumping strangers. I got free beer every 2 feet and in the bars. God it was seriously awesome to be a part of that.



Brian, Laura, and I were driven home exclusively by the KU Saferide BUS. Just us three, in a huge bus limo. Laura wanted him to go through a Taco Bell drive through. He said no. We pre-ordered Pizza Shuttle but I fell asleep before it came. No worries though, I woke up and had a piece at 6:30am.. didn't want to miss out on that bacony goodness.

Here were some of the text messages I sent out that fateful night:
"I'M TAKING MON AND TUES OFF"
"hiccups at sunflower"
"oh my god it is surreal.... love you"
"I am alone amoung thousands"
"red lion by my lonesome"
"help me"
"whooooo"
"I have a free full beer"
"He was in Iraq"
"I need a shit load of food"
"woah"
"where for food"

(Here are my flickr pictures)

Ah man.. now we're playing tonight for the national championship. Ten Years ago we won it. And five years ago I was a senior and watching us play Syracuse for the championship. We're headed out to watch.

Just checked Sheron Collin's facebook status:
"Sherron Collins IS GETTING IN HIS MODE, THIS WHAT I DO, NOW ITS TIME TO GET IT, AND THE WHOLE HOOD BEHIND ME WHAT UP, WEST SIDE GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rock Chalk Jayawk! Let's win this.