5/26/2008

The last couple of weeks have been a little hard for me. That's why I haven't been blogging it up. I've got this other magazine that has me working a few hours every evening. I feel like I can't keep up with the laundry pile. I feel slow. Can't keep up with anything, I'm the size of Texas, and many other retarded things that made me cry once every day last week.

Cue last Sunday. Woke up with that super feeling like someone has lifted me up by my head in the middle of the night and swung me around like a windsock. Yes it sucks, but nothing we can do about it now. Participated in all of Laura's KU graduation activities and proceeded to baby the neck for the remainder of the week. It was totally feeling better on Thursday, and since I know my neck, I decided to participate in the Phil Mo sand volleyball game, because well, I am such a hoss. I went to bump one ball and with that movement, felt like every single muscle in my back shredded. I died a little death inside and made my way to the car immediately, crying.

After the games, Brian and I drove straight to the emergency room because it was starting to really hurt when I was breathing. I felt really dumb going, but it actually was hurting probably the worst it's ever hurt and I literally could not move. We went in, they put me in a room with a warm blanket and I saw a hottie doctor that looked like the blonde-haired kid from Silver Spoons. And he wore a gold chain. He told me he was my guy for heart attacks and car accidents, but unfortunaltley not for chronic muscle pain. But he was glad I was here because he had the drugs. They gave me a vicodin and then some nurse came in to roll me over on my side so she could give me a shot of strong muscle relaxant. Because I was in a loose hospital gown, I told her not to touch my six pack abs. I took the shot like a man and then in about 5 minutes, courtesy of the medical cocktail, I felt comfortably numb and ready for three days worth of sleep. They monitored me for awhile while me and Brian watched Redneck Wedding on the hospital TV. Then I was free to go. I actually left and walked through the entire hospital without a bra on. I was shaking like two big old balloons in a hurricane as I passed the nurses station. I felt good about it.



Well, after that night of rousing fun, it was time to pick up my besties at the airport on Friday morn. They were coming in for their 3rd Omaha visit, and I wasn't going to let a gay neck get me down. Of course I was late, seeing as I had a hard time rotating my neck to see if I could change lanes on the highway, but I got there and swooped them up and into the Jeep.

On the way home through old market, we were reading up on the Omaha suggestions featured in the flight magazine. By the grace of God, Steph was reading about a candy store and looked out the window to find we were right in front of it, too. We stopped and our prayers were answered. It really set the pace for the trip. Steph bought the world's supply of candy and gummy meat products. We were all smitten for the greasy lesbo candy clerk who asked us if we drank alcohol. And with that we got out of the store quick, but only after Steph purchased a fake cigarette prop that actually smoked when you blew through it. I can't think of a better toy.

We hit up some shops, dominated Village Pointe, where I personally crushed a tuna panini and had some quality girl talk time. Highlights of the shopping were mounting Melissa like a horse in the Gap and having the manager take our picture, purchasing our first trendy scarves even though Steph says it's 100 degrees in Dallas, reminissing about how Melissa makes coffee, becoming personally obsessed with J Crew and all bright flouressant colors, and remembering how Steph said she had packed an extra empty suitcase for purchases but she bought NOTHING. Also, I still thought it would be a good idea to try on clothes even though I couldn't move the upper half of my body. Steph and Meliss kindly helped me change in the dressing rooms. They totally saw my fit body and I am so embarrassed that Melissa actually cut herself on my chiseled abs.

That night, we made our way over to the lovely and popular Pizza Gourmet. It looks like shit on the inside, however, their pizza is made by God. Perfect in ever way are their Jalapeno poppers, which we almost thought about ordering another basket of for dessert. Buffalo Chicken Pizza in my mouth. Also a beer tower. Just a lovely night where we could talk about merkins and blow jobs.

That night was spent in watching The Soup and just loving each other hardcore. Of course, wearing stretchy pants and no bras.

The next day, we woke up at the crack of noon and went over for brunch at LePeeps. It was totally delish and noutrish. Especially when Rita brought over our coffee drinks. I would have ordered 6 more if I knew the delivery was going to be that intense. After that food coma, we booked it on over to the zoo with Brian. Steph was allergic to the jungle and I wanted to take a picture every 10 feet. Brian kept the pace up so that we could see everything. The white trash were out in full force and I definitley could smell my fair share of B.O.

After the zoo, we got all dolled up for Bianco. God it's like my never favorite place on planet earth. I was in my finest Bananna Republic blouse and ready to dine. It was so lovely to share two bottles of wine and talk about our friendship. I think this is a good point to thank you guys for coming. It was just what I needed and I am just so amazed at how you both can turn my mood around instantley. You two do it for me. I am so lucky to have friends like you. I truly consider myself a lucky lady and I love you both so hard.

After closing that place down, we ventured over to the draft house in order to cut a rug. And cut one we did. There, in our finest adult blouses. As if we were being scouted by professional dance teams or adult video producers, we knocked our socks off. Justin Timberlake, Flo-Rida, Madonna... God it didn't matter. It didn't even matter that everyone else on the dance floor was 12 years old without a shirt on. But when some whore tried tried to start dancing with my Brian, that's when I did 3 snaps around the world and ended that dream real quick. Jesus. We were sweaty, Brian was high-fiving grown-up black men, and we had done what we had came to do. Then we went back home to make cookies and familiarize ourselves with Melissa's perfect boobs.

Sunday was interesting. I woke up feeling like I was back at square one with my neck. I cried in my closet. The girls and I made the world's supply of appitizers for our BBQ that night, including an egg casserole for Monday morning. It was a load of hard work. We mixed in a little Rock Band with Joe Stan. The Scott's Memorial Day BBQ kicked off at 6:30 with hot apps, grilling, and yard games. Then a tornado rolled in for an hour. But after that we broke out the famous table and played flip cup for about 10 hours. Steph was the true champion. We taught her how to drink that night.

God then it turned really random. Two neighbor dads came over onto our deck and suddenly re-lived their college days. I got the scoop on the neighborhood from one of their wives who was dressed up Canadian Tuxedo style. Note to self, never get on her bad side. Also met their 4 year old kid. Watching the flip cup tournement. At 2am. Next thing Steph and I know, we're walking the next street over with the dad's, sidewalk chalking every drive way with various slogans that say our street is better than theirs. Who am I? Good thing Mr. Miller brought his over-the-shoulder Miller Lite coozy-tube so we could drink on the job. Kept us going.

At the end of the night every one was sleeping next to the toliets, except for me and the girls. We went to bed with our dignity, dreaming of Jason and his 8 seconds of ecstacy.

Today, we dined on that egg casserole and coffee and I dropped my lovelies off at the airport. I'm sorry I was kind of quiet, guys. I went home, took a pill medley, and slept for 5 hours. Then I cried in the shower. Minus the neck, best weekend of my life. I love you two. A million times.

I snuck a peek at Brian's man journal and he wrote in there that on that dance floor, dancing with my two besties, was the happiest he's seen me in a long time. He wrote that he loved watching me smile and seeing that I was having a really good time. Him noticing that and taking the time to write that down is just so cool, I think.

Butt load of weekend pictures HERE.

5/14/2008

Well me and Brian just drove all over this great city in an attempt to get an iced coffee drink. The third place we tried was still open. So what if you want a coffee drink at 9pm. It's my right as an American.

Not a lot happening lately, hence the time in between posts. In case you haven't heard, I've picked up Remix Magazine. In addition to EM. I wonder if my page will come up now if you google that. Right up there with the google results every time Kelly Procho wants to remember the lesbian hiker she was in her snakeskin undies.

Been doing a few home improvement projects lately. We finally called in a man team to stain our deck. Our deck is awesome: wonderful location for flip cup tournaments, aids in cooking sausage and veggies on the grill, and also lets me make out with Brian at sunset. But it's never been stained and therefore looks like a piece of doo doo poo poo. So this man will be power washing and staining it a dark brown. I might lick it after it's all done. It will really look nice I think.

Before we decided to stain-away, we decided to tear down a small shed that the previous owner had built underneath and as a part of the deck. Basically the walls of it were warping and the only function it served was providing a large ammount of shelter for the state's population of mice. So we called up Dax, our wonder-neighbor, who brought over some tools of destruction. The thing was down in a matter of mere minutes. God it looks better just having air and grass under the deck. No more rat nests the size of my car. It's really great. And making me sleep at night again.

You can't just throw away a shit ton of wood, so the most logical thing to do was burn it. In the backyard. Where the massive farm is, if you've ever been to my house before. Once again, we call Dax. There isn't a thing he can't do. Brian and I are co-presidents of his fan club. And we will die a slow death when he leaves in a few weeks to move to St. Louis. I will not know how to cook dinner any more and Brian will forget how to go to the bathroom. He taught us everything.

So on Monday night, Brian and the Daxter pull all the wood out into the farm field. Dax stacks it up like a mini wooden skyscraper, pours a line of gas 6 feet out of the pile and lights it like the pyro he is. Since he had doused the entire wood pile with about 8 gallons of gasoline, the thing basically blew up and I actually contemplated getting arrested. It was way to big of a fire and I basically just put a pair of handcuffs on.




But the boys felt so manly and it was nice to put out some lawn chairs and sit in front of the fire with our friends into the night. And darn it if that fire didn't just burn all night and was still burning a little in the morning. But don't worry, Brian Scott raked the coals and wet everything down before he even had his cereal at 4:30am. God I am married to such a stud.

In other home news, Bri and I have purchased two new trees, to be planted any day now. I am seriously so proud. I feel like I bought some children. It was a big investment, but one I'm really excited about. Maybe come for a visit to see my trees?

That's about the extent of my weekly excitment. I'd post the video of Dax flinging gasoline onto the fire, but I might have some cop readers, so I'd like for him to remain innocent in the eyes of the law. Laura graduates college this weekend so we're headed into OP tomorrow night after a quick volleyball game where I dominate and then get asked by Olympic scouts to go to Bejing.

Looking forward to celebrating Laura and all of her hard work. Also looking forward to seeing Gram Ring. Laura said she looked like she was ready to go on a safari at Steph's ballgame tonight. I can't wait to give her a squeeze. Or 60.

Still running the lake. Have seen snakes, gross spiders, a couple consistantly making out and strattling each other every day at 12:30, an old man smoking in the same spot in the trees right at the end of my run so that I can feel like I just smoked a cigarette after a 30 minute run, and homeless people fishing.

Oh my God. I almost forgot:

That finale was so perfect i could just die. He picked right. And if I could just jump into her body for like 45 minutes? They should be required by law to just be locked up in a room to have babies, permanently for the rest of their lives.

Also saw the new Patrick Dempsy movie. God he's a hottie and a half.

5/04/2008

Coming to you live, on the Lord's day..

This weekend was kind of odd and very nice at the same time. On Friday, Brian took me to see RENT, downtown at the Orpheum Theater.


We began the night at vivace, a new and fancy italian restaurant that we had never eaten at down in the Old Market. It had, hands-down, the best spinach dip I have ever face-planted into in my life. Very spicy and very wonderful. So were the G&T's and my chicken stuffed with sausage. Why do I always go for the sausage?

After that, we still had some time to kill, so we went over to Old Chicago for a few and also one of their big cookies and also 20 pounds of fat for my thighs. But I didn't care. I think the best way to die would be laying in a room, full of Old Chicago warm cookies, and eating myself into a coma. Then it was time for us to get to the theater for the show.


I was a little choked up that RENT is ending it's time on Broadway, thus, I won't be able to stalk it around Omaha, KC, and St. Louis. So this would be the last time seeing it. Let me just say right now that if you haven't seen it, you're mad. And you're probably not my friend anymore. But there is still time to save you. I will happily burn the two disc CD and allow you to memorize it. Seriously. Just ask.

God it was so good. I'm not kidding, I literally had a permanent shiver during the whole three hour show. Minus the fact that Mark was Asian and Maureen had short dyke hair, it was completely wonderful. I was mouthing the words the entire time and when i wasn't, there was two gay guys in the back filling in for me. One guy was insanely huge, the other was a beanpole. Occasionally, during the Maureen and Joanne parts, I'd hear them say, "Typical Lesbian!" And then they'd high five or something. Even at the end, during the final song, two older ladies just stood up during the whole thing waving their arms and singing. Kind of weird, but I'll take it. Is it weird that I want to be poor and in an apartment with no heat, dreaming about protesting and building a restaurant in Santa Fe?

As I was viewing it for the last time in my little theater, sister Laura was in New York City seeing it on broadway with her man hunk. Not gonna lie, that pretty much killed me. But I hear that she is bringing me back a play bill, which I will sleep with every night.

Then on Saturday, I woke up at the crack of noon and literally felt like I had been run over by a car. I ate some pizza that we ordered and then went back to bed until about 5. Yes I know. That's wild. But we had a graduation party we had to rock. So I bucked it up, took Brian so that he wouldn't miss out on all of the adult libations, while I sat in front of the fire and downed 4 large-sized water bottles and about a truck load of M&Ms.

Today I was better. Felt a little more energized. I forgot to mention that we were watching little Joseph this weekend. My favorite dog in the entire world.

I swear, I'm getting really good at having him over. He still loves when I open the window. We actually but a box down in front of a window, covered it with a blanket, and he literally hopped up there and sat in front of that window for about 6 hours. His new favorite pastime is unwinding the toliet paper roll with his front paws. I think he has eaten a few dried up earth worms, about a trees worth of wood, a twist tie, a little piece of wire with a Christmas berry on the end, and some poop out in the yard. But some good things happened too. I gave him a new squeaky green bone, Brian and I gave him probably one of the best baths he's ever had tonight, and me and Joe watched a Mandy Moore movie today while he just laid on my stomach and I gave him belly scratches.


I'm really gonna miss him when he leaves tomorrow.