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Sweet Meliss*
Suffix Abuse*
Kristina Contes*
Stilley Stuff*
Cookies For Breakfast*
Nie Nie Dialogues*
Anchored Nomad*


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the runs
jorma taccone
f my life
the found magazine
do you have the time?


Can't you hear me?
Cause I'm screamin'.

Did not go outside.

Don't wake me, please.
Don't wake me.
I was dreamin'.

Well I might just stay inside again
Well I don't go out much these days.

Sometimes I stay inside all day.
Leave me
leave me
leave me
leave me
Won't you leave me alone.
Don't you leave me alone.

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ghetto google
look at a book
brandon flowers
sex & the city quotations
best trailer, worst movie.
idiot girls club
Get high on JESUS

When they say "Don’t I know you?"
Say no.
When they invite you to the party
Remember what parties are like
Before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
They once wrote a poem.
Then reply.
If they say we should get together.
Say why?
It’s not that you don’t love them any more.
You’re trying to remember something
Too important to forget.
The church bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.
When someone recognizes you in a grocery store,
Nod briefly
and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven’t seen
In ten years
Appears at the door,
Don’t start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

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This is a new garden over old flowers.
Wish that one day they'd figure out
how to shrink stars
and i could keep one in my bedroom.
And wish that me and him could grow old together.
And wish
that in my next life I come back as a tiger.
These are fun wishes.
In about seven minutes you can start.
'Til then, you'll just listen to the radio
from seat's edge.
As if then it's the look on your face.
As if, as if then you'll matter,
And then I can't wait.
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and never the two shall meet
said the tiger to its greatest fan.
the amount of love
you wish to give
is more than i can stand.

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*blogger, for my life hobby*
*haloscan, so no one can comment*
*Schrags, my html GOD*


Wow. Last day of NaBloPoMo.
Let's go out with a horrible bang:

+ posted by Special J at 11:26 PM


Holy Lord Above.

Today is a very grand day. For two reasons.

1.) I purchased a pair of Joes Jeans.

I can't even tell you how sweet it is. I've been walking around St. Louis with my Kansas shirt on proudly. Ready to talk to a Tiger at a moment's notice. They can't say a darn thing. I also had Ted Drewe's ice cream today and smelled my first Christmas Tree.

Now I'm going to have dinner with our old neighbors. And I'm going to kiss their children. Rock Chalk sweet Jayhawks, Rock Chalk. Who wants to fight me?

+ posted by Special J at 4:02 PM


Brian's playing Jaw Grinders 3 with his Dad on the XBox again, so I find myself on the computer again.

Today I slept until 11:30am, which my mother would think is horrible, because I am at my in-laws. But that just shows how awesome they are. I arose to Brian directing me towards a chocolate chip bagel and coffee. Then, I took his 10-year old cousin (we've bonded over those hot Jonas brothers) to Borders where we've selected her book that she's going to do her book report on. I totally bought the new Rolling Stone feature B. Spears. I thought about making her pretend that the Britney Spears magazine was what she picked to do her report on, but I decided I wanted to stay in the family.

Tonight, we're being treated to a made-from-scratch italian meal (Brian's Aunt is full-blown Italian) and we'll probably play some board games and drink some jet-fuel (as Brian's dad calls it). God I'm using a lot of parentheses in this post. We've also rented two top movies, Get Smart and Tropic Thunder. Both totally awesome.

I will leave you with a clip from Tropic Thunder, one of the greatest movies of our time:

+ posted by Special J at 4:13 PM


Happy Thanksgiving blog world! One and all!

I am thankful for: Brian (husband who i love dearly and who loves me with retainers and weird rules like don't put dirty suitcases on the bed spread)

Family (sisters who crack my shit up and Dads who raised me right and Moms who still wave out the front window when I back out of the driveway at home)

Jayhawks (thanks for winning that National Championship)

friends (you all know you are all important to me. we have all these fun times and great stories. and I totally heart you.)

Joey (my very favorite dog who I will shower with treats and belly rubs for life)

my health (hasn't been totally awesome, but I'm still kickin'. Let's kick it up a knotch ASAP, Lord.)

My Shelter (Love my Omaha house. Love the decorations. Hope to see you all for the annual new years eve bash)

Facebook (It's like drugs. If I could shoot it into my arm, I might.)

Alright, I'm about to set the world record for speed eating. I'm in STL at the in-laws. Today, I've colored with my cousin-in-law who is 10, I've played insane ammounts of rock band, I've oogled over my sister-in-law and her little baby bean, and I've just been having a good day. Even watched the parade. About to go show the stuffing who's boss. Love you guys.

+ posted by Special J at 5:01 PM


Well in about thirty minutes I'll be off with Bri to St. Louis for Thanksgiving.

This doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging, but I am thankful for the fact that Schlotzcky's makes a darn good sandwhich. Also for the fact that I got out of work at 1pm today, despite the fact that I spent the entire morning working on a vertical bellyband that goes against all the postal rules just so the head phones can look like they are hanging over the copy of the magazine. Please appreciate it on the newsstand, people.

As I'm in the air today, please enjoy my bloglines:


Unless you're Matt Schragal or The Lighhouse, you already know what Bloglines are.
These are the blogs that I read every single day religiously. Hopefully you'll discover some newbies. It makes for hours of work time distraction.

See you in St. Louis.

+ posted by Special J at 4:40 PM


Brian's Blog:

I am guest blogging tonight for Jenn. She deserved a little break from the blogging madness.

Today was a good day to be home. It is a frigid 40 degrees in Nebraska and it's times like these that I am happy to be able to work from home with Jenn right across the hallway.

Just like most days, I'm up before 6:00am. The first thing I do every morning in the winter is try to find some socks for my cold feet. I fumble around in the dark trying not to wake Jenn. Often I use my cell phone as a flash light.

After I find my way out of the dark bedroom, I will typically turn on all the lights in the house. It helps wake me up and there is no sun light until about 8:00am.

The next challenge is brewing coffee. My lifeline to get the day started. Funny thing is that I never drank coffee until about a year and a half ago. Jenn had me try some of those fru-fru Starbuck's drinks. God love her for getting me started on coffee.

After the coffee is a brewing...It's Cheerio's time. Yep, 28 years old and I still love the kids stuff. Most of the time I watch the 6am re-runs of the local news.

Then comes the best part of my day: Waking Jenn.

At about 7:30 or 7:45am I walk quietly into the bedroom. I approach Jenn, who is typically sprawled out on the bed with her mouth wide open. Pretty typical sleeping postiion for Jenn. I lean over and give her a kiss on the forehead and say, "Babe, it's time to wake up."

Her first and slow zombie response is "5 more minutes". Which means, "Brian, I would enjoy sleeping for another 30 minutes." I know all of her tricks.

After about 10 minutes of me telling Jenn about the weather, the local news, and how awesome her day is going to be...She finally begins to move.

It is very critical for the next step to follow quickly after her first movement which is to find some socks in her drawer and slide them on her feet while she is still in bed.

She will eventually sit up in bed. This is where she expects you to have picked out a hoodie for her to wear all day. A safe bet would always be a gray one. A couple of times, I tried to mix it up with a patterned hoodie and I think it ruined her day.

The final move she makes to get out of bed everyday is to stand and give me a 5 minute good morning hug. Which makes all the tasks and work to wake her worth while.

It sounds like the smallest and most simple chore but it is the best part of my day.

- Guest Blogger: Brian

+ posted by Special J at 9:15 PM


Why am I still sweaty when it's wintertime? So many questions. Like is Denny real or dead? How can Izzie have sex with him if he's dead? And why do the Chinese feel the need to add those little mini corn cob vegatables into their stir fry. That just grosses me right out.

Anyway, I had a beautiful time this weekend, witnessing the marraige of Jenny and Rob Stilley. Jenny's been one of my pals since high school. We played a lot of baskeball together, did a lot of crafts at the Campbell's house, and I may or may not have gotten in her parents bathtub in full camoflouge in order to re-inact a war/trench scene for a LBJ video for our 10th grade history class.

The day started out great, because we looked great.

I also get such a big smile on my face when I see two people so in love with each other standing up on that alter saying their vows to each other. I was so happy to be there to see Jenny and Rob get married. Reminds me just how powerful those words are and how special of a moment it really is.


After the ceremony, and after we blew some bubbles, we had a few hours to kill before the big reception. Brian and I were hanging with Kel and Spell, Courtney, and the man of the hour NATE. Seriously, I might be president of his fan club and slightly obsessed with him. Nate, will you shrink down and live inside my pocket? So Court, being the super A+ cool gal that she is, already has brought an extra pair of socks and declares that we are going bowling at the crusty bowling alley right across from the Doubletree where the reception is. Um, perfect?

So we head on over there, the parking lot smells like a fart and we head on in. Nate heads right to the food order area and makes the purchase:
That's $18 of food in the form of the Extreme Team Platter, large not small.
How incredible is that title for a bowling appitizer? The nachos were cold.

I was about to beat the pants off of Spellman, but court came back and then he came back and then we ended up seeing fellow Huskies Jeff Logan and Luke Savage and their Jeeps over on another lane. Totally weird. Also, we were bowling in our formal wear.


After the big bowling match, we made our way over to the reception. It was awesome. I ate my weight in cheese cubes, was right in the middle of the conga line, got to cut a rug with my man. Just when I thought it couldn't have gotten any better, we were treated to the live band, PRIVATE STOCK. God they were out of this world. I'm thinking of renewing my vowes so that I can dance the night away to their sweet sounds. And I'm serious.


Everything was fabulous. Jenny was a vision and I loved seeing they way they looked at each other. I'm so happy for them. Good to see Jenny's parents. Good to see a lot of people from high school. Good to know that I am one of the few that does not have children yet. Or an STD.

Loving these girls so much.

After saying our goodbyes, me and Bri headed out to the car in the parking lot. I was about to get into my side of the car, when I spied a little extra special something right in front of my door:
Seriously. Somebody's dirty undies.

+ posted by Special J at 10:30 PM


Dear God why does it feel like November has lasted an entire year?

More of a detailed post tomorrow on my wedding weekend because now I'm tired and every time I burp I still taste the mint-chocolate chip milk shake I drank in Mound City at 3pm today.

Minorly dreading this three-day week. Work has blown up. Remix went down the toliet. I haven't done laundry in 12 weeks. St. Louis on Wednesday. The buffalo pizza at California Pizza Kitchen really sucks ass. I think Steph might be addicted to Twilight at an illegal level (I'm still in the middle of it). Brian and I am rocking rock band every night, as my guitar skills are growing superior. And mainly I just feel drained from life lately.

Had an excellent weekend with some of my longest best friends. Married one of them off and found out that our ten year high school reunion is going to be in a casino. Also, that TJ Obringer has 3 grown children. A full wedding report tomorrow. Got to have a few rounds of nachos with mom and Dad. Got to give Joey diahreah courtesy of a large dog treat. Noticed that Steph's closet hasn't been cleaned since the 2nd grade. Mom also sent me home with my Pleasant Company Samantha doll. Remember those? I literally had 4,000 outfits for her. And a bed and desk. I even got her butterfly catcher out today and the memories came flooding back.

Here's to a good day tomorrow.

+ posted by Special J at 10:17 PM


woke up early
joey belly rubs
laura's car brakes
starbucks venti
usual bagel
no Christmas picture
black tights
new hair do
I'm always late
Jenny's wedding!

+ posted by Special J at 12:33 PM


Crappy before-midnight blog post, coming up..

Went to the brain doctor today, stocked up on drugs. Flew to my new haircut place and now I look like a model. She even curled it up so now people confuse me with Izzie Stephens from Grey's Anatomy.

Now I'm in KC with the fam. Went to a late dinner with Laura where she hit on every single waiter in sight. But it was fun and of course, we got two cheesecake slices to go. The Navajo did me proud once again.

Now I'm sitting down around the table hearing college stories about mom and her roomie deciding one day that they are going to just let their dorm room get messy, so they covered it up with newspaper and then just started throwing trash on the floor. She said it didn't last long. That Sue. This totally explains a lot of why I am the person I am today.

It's 11:47pm and Dad just made nachos. Gotta go!

+ posted by Special J at 11:43 PM


This is why I love not only Beyonce Knowles, but also my husband.

Make sure you watch it through to the end where we pump it really hard.

+ posted by Special J at 10:19 PM


Tonight I bought a Sonic drive-thru sundae from the fattest man on earth. And tonight, I am chatting with sister Laura, live through the miracle of iChat. We will be asking each other questions and answering them here. You can also check out Laura's queer answers here: LAURA ANN HALL TELLS ALL

Jenn's question: What are you wearing?
My answer: Green Fairwell shirt, too-tight pj pants, no bra, glasses, striped socks.

Laura's question: What is your most prized posession?
My answer: Aside from my husband, definitely my animal blanket that I sleep with and will be buried with.

Jenn's question: What's your funniest memory with Laura?
My answer: Paying $75 dollars for a blow-up foamboard-backed picture of my dad in his 20's at Kinkos and feeling the need to have that order done in less than an hour.

Laura's question: Lil Wayne or T-Pain? Why.
My answer: I really hat Lil Wayne. So probably T-Pain. Who is T-Pain?

Jenn's question: Funniest story involving a fart. Go.
My answer: Gramma Hall every time she let one rip at our kitchen table. But she kept talking right through the fart and we all had to pretend that didn't just happen.

Laura's question: If you could be anyone for a day, who and why?
My answer: Beyonce during the filming of her "If You Like It Put a Ring On It" video.

Jenn's question: Who would you rather punch in the face, Tyra Banks or Oprah?
My answer: Oprah for sure.

Laura's question: What's your favorite quote?
My answer: "If you don't rest, you rust." -ANON.

Jenn's question: What is your 17th bookmark on your computer?
My answer: http://www.salvationmountain.us/map.html

Laura's question: What are the last three things you bought with your debit card?
My answer: Sonic, Pizza Gourmet, Dentist. Ha.

Jenn's question: What's the oddest thing you've ever stolen?
My answer: Andrew Thomas' gray teddy bear key chain in 1st grade from his desk. He cried.

Laura's question: What are you OCD about?
My answer: Advertiser's material, anything touching my eyes, and basically everything else could go to hell because I wouldn't care that much.

Jenn's question: What's your morning routine? How do you wake up?
My answer: Brian comes over to my bedside at about 7:50am. He shakes me a little bit and whispers things into my ear like what the weather is going to be like today and how great of a day I'm going to have. Then I ask him what time it is. Then I ask him for 5 more minutes. Then he goes away and comes back and usually puts holiday socks on me while I'm sleeping. Then I finally sit up, he holds out my two retainer cases like he's about to propose to me and I take each one out of my mouth and put it in the cases. Then I stand up and hug him for like 2 minutes straight and make my way to a toliet. In my desk at 8am. This happens every day.

Laura's question: What's something nobody else knows about you?
My answer: I kind of like the smell of my own farts.

+ posted by Special J at 9:51 PM


God I feel like the biggest thing to report about today is my number two. Or how I had a mini bagel sandwich with cream cheese, ham, zucchini and tomato. Or how me and Brian were laughing so hard while we lifted weights at the gym. Or how I made chocolate chip muffins for breakfast. And totally owned the Disturbed song on Rock Band tonight.

Really, really want to see this:

If you can find it in a theater nearby, I will pay for our tickets. But then again, I also wanted to see Nights in Rodanthe very badly and we all know that didn't happen.

Tonight we hung with the Carpenters and went to Pizza Gourmet for the finest cheeseballs and buffalo pizza. Friday, I am going to a Nurologist for my head and then on to KC for the best fall wedding of Miss Jenny Fimmen to hang with some of my oldest and best friends. Let's hope Court found a date. I told Brian I want to dance to "Love in the Club" by Usher. That's it. That's all I ask for.

God, I need to spice up these blog posts. Any suggestions? Do people randomly read this thing? If you are reading, leave your first name and the city and state in the comments. Let's see who's out there.

+ posted by Special J at 10:16 PM


Another day, another dollar, another forced blog post. Alas, I feel like I've been down in the D's lately.
Just in a permanent bad mood and feel like life is better spent in bed with Jon and Kate Gosslelin. Maybe Colin too. Because if I were a baby stealer, he'd be mine in a hot second.

So because I need a little happiness, I present to you, 3 things I've found lately that make me really happy. I need happy.

1.) Taza and Husband (blog)
This blog is one of my best finds in a long time. Cute and trendy husband and wife living in a tiny apartment in New York City. They go on cute dates, they look like they just stepped out of an Urban Outfitters catalog, and they eat things like fried chicken on waffles drizzled with syrup. And they're still skinny and trendy and fresh. And I'd like to put them in my pocket. And why do I live in Omaha.

2.) Zobmondo Book
Brian and I did a massive clean of the basement a few weeks back and I miraculously located this book from my college days. It's a total classic and I'm bringing it back with full force. It asks burning questions like, "Would you rather have a see-through nose or entirely white eyeballs?" I'll probably just go ahead and keep this little literate genius in my purse at all times. Laura, you up for a swim in a pool filled with period blood?

3.) Pictorial Collection of Swedish Dance Bands
Some of these just definitely kill me. A few kind of look like people I might work with? All I know is if loving Magnus is wrong, I don't want to be right.

+ posted by Special J at 6:52 PM


Guys...seeing as that last one was the crappiest blog post ever because I was literally in our hotel room wearing no clothes and yelling my blogger password into the phone at my little sister Stephanie while I had wet hair and needed to be in the lobby to meet Brian's client in ten minutes. And you guys load me up on the comments? Then when I blog my heart out, no one writes crap in the comments. Seriously though. Check out http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ and visit some of the links in the side. I've been following the story religiously and it's probably the reason for me crying nightly to Mr. Brian C. Scott when we have our pillow talk.

Moving on to the weekend. Just got back. It was lovely. I think I ate a wheelbarrow of food. Last night we racked up a $1400 bill at Capitol Grill. I was the sharply-dressed girl in the corner with a piece of jumbo shrimp in my mouth and a glimmer in my eye. Then we went back to our presidential suite at the Marriott which happened to be on the same floor as a Mizzou Sorority/Fraternity formal. I'm serious, we had the sweetest room, complete with a formal dining room and then when we laid our heads down, it's like the party started. And I'm all for a good party, but when the doors started slamming and people were yelling up and down the halls, I lost my cool. And because they were from gross Mizzou, I called the front desk and had security come up and turn the dorm hallway back into the hotel hallway that it was. I was a total mom and I was pissed because I knew we had to get up early and I really really hate people from Missouri.

This morning, we were up early for the Chiefs game versus the Saints. Phil Mo had us in a sweet sky box seat with champagne fountains and sliced meats and carts of chocolate. Being the die-hard fan that I am, I still made my way back down to my Dad's season ticket seats. Had myself a stale pretzel with nacho cheese and a Mr. Pibb. And watched these guys:
The jazzercise ladies were the halftime entertainment. I think people were actually booing them. All this, while Brian was texting me saying he was in the sky box snuggling next to former Miss Kansas, Lisa Forbes, having Baily's shots out of solid chocolate cups. Meanwhile, I was in my Dad's seats and this guy that cusses a lot tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that he had spilled his beer in my purse.


The chiefs blew. Kicked about 60 field goals and were still behind by 2 touchdowns at all times. But that's okay because Patti Depardo was still blowing on her trumpet with the Wolfpack end zone band.
But the sweetest fan-find has got to go to me for capturing this guy on film:

Time to get to bed.
But first, me and Kimora Lee Simmons will spend a special half hour together.

+ posted by Special J at 9:09 PM


Coming at you live from the Mariott. I feel like I am in Norway because it is that cold. Had bagels with Steph and Laura. And then shopped around the plaza with my love.

I want you to visit one of my favorite blogs. It is called the "nie nie dialogues". Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll find that they were in a bad plane crash. They are just about the cutest family that ever lived and they can teach you a lot. Google it and read it for hours. Also read her sister's blog C. Jane. Pretty powerful stuff.

Hug your family.

+ posted by Special J at 5:40 PM


Well I'm home again in OP. Bless you, Laura for leaving your Macbook at home on the bed for me to nurture and blog with.

Tonight Brian and I went with the fam (minus the two youngest) to Houstons on the Plaza to celelbrate the fact that Kris was born into this world perfect and just keeps getting better. Yes, she was promoted at the Hospital and is now a celebrity charge nurse. I honored her tonight with a huge slab of ribs and a few pieces of shrimp that had the legs on them. It felt really good. Dad kept asking her how fast you can get an operating room sterile after a patient has been sent home. He just didn't believe how it could be sterile with people walking around in it. For me, it was just baffling. I loved the coleslaw that was served.

In all reality, I am really proud of her. She's my hero, and the wind beneath my wings. Hopefully I can have a job as sterile as hers someday.

Tonight, it's a rousing game of dominos with the Halls, probably some of Dad's famous nachos, and then sleeping in a twin bed with Brian surrounded by mounds of blankets covering all of our Christmas presents. Because, Laura, your room smells so foul.

Tomorrow, it's shopping on the Plaza and then to Capitol Grill and a night at the Marriott. Sunday we get to go to the Chiefs game with Brian's clients and woo them with talk of margin parody and 3-pack specials.

Nighty night. Courtney, don't forget to find a datey date.

+ posted by Special J at 9:26 PM


Hot Dog! Check out this Christmas Collage I just blasted out.
Here's everything I'm hoping for from Santa Claus.

Meanwhile, I'm tempting myself with the idea of going to Sonic for one of their $1.99 sundaes while Brian is playing some war game downstairs on XBox.
He is shooting people with this weapon called the ORGAN GRINDER.

+ posted by Special J at 9:07 PM


Because they need to know I love them.
And I'm still interested doing puzzles with them in that retirement home in Miami when we're 80.

"Jones-Coleman" or "Rat-a-cat-cat"
Dreamer and a doer. Owner of best hair. Travel industry lost a good one. Would give you the shirt off her back (in a closet, during a bra intervention).
Makes one hell of a mix CD. Puts her blood-thirsty dog out back when I ring her doorbell. I miss that horse necklace.

"Sweet Meliss" or "Lady Lighthouse"
Waited until 2003 to show me Blogger. Advisor. Thinks she's tall but I think she's perfect. On an endless search for wit.
Has a mother who will eat beef and watch Oprah with me. Let's get a letter press tattoo. Misses Gary Strohmeyer.

I love you girls. Steph, send me the name of that acupuncturist.

+ posted by Special J at 9:13 PM


We're gonna spice things up a little bit.


+ posted by Special J at 10:03 PM


And the Teddy Bear is looking mighty fine.


This weekend was incredible. I got a few hugs from Laura, got to feed Joey 25$ worth of dog treats, and simply to bask in the glory that is Overland Park. I drove in Thursday night housed some Pei Wei with Laura while we discussed sisterly things. Boy, I'm really going to miss having her around when I come home. Laura, I call shotgun in your U-Haul. Steph, start talking all Olde English and you can be my new sidekick.

On Friday, I went in to work, dined at that Country Club which I would now like to join, and then Kel came over at 6 so that she could have a full hour of interview time from my father. Like why they don't use plants to make medicine? And what if the guy wakes up while you're shoving a tube down his throat? You know, important things like that. No biggie, I just make a magazine that 100,000 people read.

Then we drove over to Jenny's parents house where I got to feast on a chocolate fountain, sausage balls, and a little baby boy. Had a good time remembering all of the stupid things we used to do like make Coach Collin's young son spread some cardboard out on the driveway and do a breakdancing show for us and his entire family.

The next day, I believe Laura woke me up by putting one of Joey's pee-hairs in my mouth. And I'd chew on that until the end of time, I love that dog so much. We got right up, went to Jerry's Optical where we were eye-raped by Jerry himself. Laura picked out glasses faster you could say Nancy Kerrigan and we were off to McDees. We salted our hashbrowns and watched an Asian man totally spill a large coffee on the floor. We should have got the cinnabun.

After that we drove to Briarcliff, poured some out for Amy Lambert, and shopped our aces off. Land of Paws, Decorating store where gay man with over-sized silver folk ring tried to pick me up, and finally to Nell Hillz where Laura pretended like she didn't have a conscience. I love it now. We are literally the same person. I bought some various things such a small white plate with a wheel barrow on it. Laura bought a love fern and made a huge mistake when she didn't buy that sweet wooden lantern, but I digress. After we left it literally took us a calendar year to get home. We aren't the best at directions, but when it comes to some serious highway navagation, we are mentally retarded.

After a brief meeting at Gordman's with Sue Hall and Steph, I aquired a massive headache and had to head it home. Get it. Haha. No. Kelly was to be there soon and she was picking me up so that we could go over to Jenny's for part two of the celebratory weekend. Yes, we would be receiving the a personal belly dancing lesson from the dancer lady at the Greek Restaurant we were going to that night.

She brought flashy scarves that jingled when we shook our hips. Here's me, captured on film, apparently channeling my Mom with the popular, pointed finger dance-move:

It was awesome. I was actually out of breath after the first few girations. Also, I'm pretty sure I've got some new moves for the bedroom, if you know what I mean. After the lesson, we traveled on over to the Greek Restaurant. An old man broke some plates, I discovered my passion for gyros, and an old man kept throwing plates on the ground.

And then we closed up a night by doing a small routine in the middle of the restaurant.
I had so many dollar bills by the end of the dance that I called Brian and told him we won't ever have to worry about money any more. But we might have to worry about my lamb meat intake during the night. All in all, I want to basically go there every night. What are you guys doing Friday night?

Here are me and the girls. I win the prize for largest head.

The next morning, Laura and I had some unfinished business. We woke up and had doughnuts with the Obama family. Then we hit the best shops of all. Crate and Barrel and West Elm, you didn't let me down. And the lady at Vera Bradley who had so much hairspray it looked like I could have dropped a match and blew her head up. We came back with so much good stuff. But what I think I'll remember most is coming back with all of those memories. Just kidding. Laura bought a large white container that helps to grow test tube babies.

After a bagel and a good talk, and dad washing all of my windows, it was time to head back to the state that created Arbor Day. Kris, it was so great to see you.

Went to the dentist today and did some teeth sanding. Still praying for no pain, but still in pain. He's making me give it another go with the night guard. You heard me. Now I get to wear a bottom retainer and a top mouth guard that looks like I'm in the NFL. God I can't wait to make babies with Brian wearing this mouth gear. I can't even close my mouth. And when I gave it a test run today, I had it in for a grand total of 5 minutes before I literally ran to the bathroom, tore it out, and threw up the Twix bar I had just eaten.


+ posted by Special J at 9:58 PM


Ok, so I was getting ready to take a shower and then realized I had to blog, so I am literally sitting in a leather office chair in my underwear. Coming to you live. A little too sexy.

I have so much to write about this weekend. So many good stories. Just the best time. It's what I really needed. Any sorry I sounded suicidal in my last two posts. I've been going to bed late and getting up early. Trying to squeeze it all in. I'll have a full report tomorrow. Just know that it involves belly dancing, felted balls, 10 pounds of lamb meat, and some pretty nasty farts. Which could may or may not be directly related to that lamb meat. But, by God, I'd go back tomorrow for some more.

I had a great day with my sis today, love my family, am grateful to see Brian, talked to Courtney, Kelly, Jenny, and even my cousin Matt. Just shows you when you get in a funk, surround yourself with friends and you'll feel like a million bucks and a wal-mart coupon.

Kind of feel like I want to take a week long vacation, but shit. That's not possible. Got to go to the dentist tomorrow morning to have him look at my severe case of TMJ, I think. Hopefully he will outfit me with a large retainer or something sexy like that. Raaaarrr.

Now, I present to you, in the flesh, my mother. She just walked into the house, straight from church. I was at the kitchen table eating a long john doughnut and I immediately grabbed my camera. Because she is Keanu Reeves from the Matrix.


+ posted by Special J at 10:54 PM


Today flew by a little too fast. Laura woke me out of a deep slumber and put Joey on my bed. We then hiked it out to McDonalds where we feasted on salt and hashbrowns. Then, onto Briarcliff Village where we dropped some money. We didn't get to hit all of our stores because my headaches reared their ugly head and I had to make it to a bellydancing lesson at 4:00. I feel like I let down Laura today. I am going to make it up to her tomorrow and take her out to lunch and to some more shops. Tonight I had a great time at Tazzo's bellydancing and eating my weight in lamb meat. I watched the old man break a few plates and I can't wait to take my sisters back there. I'll talk more later. I'm so tired and drained and feeling like I need to be better to everyone.

+ posted by Special J at 11:35 PM


What a day. Actually, it was nice. Went to work, all gussied up. Talked with all of my business associates and then went to lunch at the Mission Hills Country Club with my boss and best friend, Stephen Lambert. It was the tastiest meal I've had in awhile and we even got to have desert and hear about how you have to wear 80% white when you play tennis on the courts.

Tonight I went over to the Fimmen's and we started Jenny's celebration of almost-marriedness. I ate about a bowl of salsa and also something called a sausage ball. I may or may not have dipped it in the chocolate fountain they had going there. Tomorrow, we're going to a greek restaurant to break plates and belly dance. I'll wear my best crop top.

Thinking about a good friend tonight. Going on an all-out spree with Laura tomorrow. Really looking forward to spending some time with her and having a little sister time. Steph, don't you worry. I love you so much and you get extra points for reading Twilight. You can maybe get extra points if you start using that blog that I made you 12 years ago.

I leave you with truely my most favorite thing, besides Brian, on this Earth:

+ posted by Special J at 11:53 PM


Greetings from the Homeland.

Excited to be in OP for the weekend. Can I just paint you a picture of what I'm doing right now. I'm sitting in Laura's room. We're alternating between Nancy Grace (she's waving poptarts at the camera) and the Dr. Drew celebrity rehab show where I swear to God, Gary Busy looks like he stuck his head in a toliet for a hour. Meanwhile, Joey the dog is humping his lawnmower-sized stuffed dog. Mom's yelling at me not to lift the sheets covering all the Christmas presents in the guest room and Brian's on the phone still talking about the two deer he saw this morning out the window. All in a days work people, all in a days work.

Tomorrow I will attempt to squeeze into something halfway decent and show up at the office. Tonight I had french silk pie and ice cream. Now Mom's in here asking Laura to tell her more information about how her boss at work likes her. Mom just said pubes twice. Wow. It's only day 6 and I'm already struggling for material.

Looking forward to shopping this weekend, hanging out with good friends, Starbucks in my mouth tomorrow morning, and feeding Joey all of the doggy treats I brought for him. Nighty, night. "Hope Floats" is on right now.

+ posted by Special J at 9:56 PM


I still have a bowl of soggy raisin-bran milk sitting her from this morning. Kind of makes me want to vom, but that's what you get when you let your heart win.

I'm getting really excited to go home tomorrow. Just need some family time. Need to see that sweet dog and have a topless pillow fight with Laura. And talk about drug abuse and stocks with Dad. Also see how many more aprons mom made.


Today has been a long time coming. Solely for the fact that today I had a date with my friend to visit the new Omaha Anthropologie. I walked right in, took a big sniff, and spent the next 3 hours making circles around the store. God it is so delicious. I could literally go bankrupt in that store. Except when I try on their clothes I wish I had an extenda-piece of fabric to cover my tummy. Because everything is just a titch to short and I'm sorry I'm not Little People Big World.

I came out of there with a wooden box of the most beautiful intricate snowflakes and also my new obsession: ANTHRO CANDLES. I want them all. Every flavor, every container. Nevermind that the candles cost 100$ each. I got one and I might make out with it tonight.

Wrapped up the night with a delish salad at Jamz. The dirty Huskers are already talking about playing KU this weekend. I bought a shirt that says, "Nebraska: proof that God has a sense of humor" in Lawrence during homecoming. All this week it's been live coverage of the Husker quarterback blowing his nose. 29 minutes of Husker football and 1 minute of national news. It's sick.

See you tomorrow. Laura, can we please give me a wardrobe makeover?

+ posted by Special J at 10:47 PM


Today, Brian and I proudly voted for John McCain.


And I hope he wins. I am proud to vote for a man that has served our country honorably, who doesn't have shady associations with anti-government people, who will keep power in the hands of the people and money in the hands of the people who have earned it.


John McCain is a great representative of America and I am proud to have voted for him.

You don't have to say anything to me about how I voted.
Instead, maybe comment on how I've had totally righteous farts because I've been trying to eat Gramma's Rasin Bran every morning. I'm talking mustard gas.

Saying 15-minute prayers every night to make these headaches go away.
Now, I'm headed to the gym with the Bri-man to watch the news while I walk on the treadmill in order to shed the 600 pounds I've gained thanks to the invention of the Twix.

Go, Go McCain!

+ posted by Special J at 8:30 PM


Well, on the eve of this election, I decided to go eat Sushi and watch the movie "Miri and Zach Make a Porno". The sushi was excellent. So excellent that Brian even ate some. Now, the movie was hilarious. Go out and see it. Extra foamy edition.

Today I'm going to talk about my Gramma Ring. She called me about a month back and said she'd like to come for a visit to see my house. Of course I was nothing but flattered, ad we agreed on a weekend in late October. Then, Grams called two days later and said she was coming on an entirely different weekend, Tuesday though Sunday.

Alright, so Brian says we can just plop in all 7 Planet Earth DVDs and she'll be set for a few days. Right. I get some Raisin Bran, a few newspapers, and a good light for her to knit by. I drive to the airport and find Gram waiting for me:

Just kidding, she looks a little more fresher than that. She was all decked out in her rhinestone-studded jean jacket, ready to experience Omaha. I loved it. Every morning I would work on my lap top and she would be reading something and looking out the window admiring the farm in my backyard. And advising me to eat Raisin Bran to get morning poops. And buying me a salad spinner at Bed Bath & Beyond because it's the only way to get really crisp lettuce. And telling me that her and Grampa met on a blind date to their senior prom.

One morning, she came down in this sweatshirt that one of her friends had cross-stitched for her:


In case you're retarded, it says 1925 was a good year. Like, as in, the year she was born. Call me nuts, but I would rock that sweatshirt. I love it because I asked her to do a fashion pose for me and this is what she gave me. I should also mention that I took the sweetest video of her playing Brian's drumset, only it's on her camera. She went nuts on those things and now I need to somehow instruct her on how to get that gold off of her camera and into my inbox and heart forever.

Every day at lunch we would make sandwiches. She would call them "$5" sandwhiches because they were so good. Then she would always cut them into about 25 pieces maybe because they were easier to eat? It was just fancy, okay.

On Thursday, I had my Mom come up and I took two days off to spend with them. How often can you say you had your Mom and Gramma in your first house at the same time! I felt so great. We made lasagna, watched the debates with caramel popcorn, shopped till we dropped, and I cooked them my ham-asparagus roll-ups. I even went for a walk with Gram one day, but we only got about 100 feet until she thought she was going to blow over because the wind was so bad, so she made us turn around and go back home.

Those few days were one of the best times of my life. I miss my family so much lately and it was just amazing to have my Chicago granny and my homebound mother with me, goofing around at night and all doing our make-up in front of the same mirror in the morning.

I tried to get Gramma to move in with me, but she needed to head home with Mom to KC.

My Gramma's a pretty cool little lady. She watches Desperate Housewives every Sunday and tells me to leave things up to the Lord "cause he's up all night anyway!". She even thought Brian said "bitchy" one morning and started laughing so hard that I thought her Raisin Bran would come shooting through her nose. My sweet Grams.

+ posted by Special J at 9:50 PM


Sunday greetings, everyone.

Brian and I actually made it out to church this morning for like the first time since I was baptized as an infant. Pretty proud of us. Had a good little talk with the Lord and then high-tailed it on home for some leftover chili and cornbread.

We did a serious power-clean of the basement today. Since 99% of the crap down there is mine and I have a hard time throwing away a piece of paper, it was some serious work. I ended up making a huge "donate" pile, determined that we have the world's population of ladybugs living in our basement, and (bonus!) stirred up some fresh dog poo under some gross tile mat from the previous owners. Now our basement smells like someone is just farting permanently. But, all in all, I actually did some manual labor for Brian instead of watching America's Next Top Model, so I think he loves me today.

Last weekend was the big homecoming game at KU. But first, did anyone see that Texas, Texas Tech game last night? Incredible. And how the dirty Huskers got creamed. Anyway, I picked sweet Meliss up from the airport in a timely manor and we were on our way to Lawrence. We spent most of our time taking pictures from the parking garage. Just kidding, we then got a private tour of the Alumni Center and then headed down to Mass Street to feast at Quintons.
who wants us on the cover of their magazine?

We met up with Steph, in her fashionable LJ World attire and shopped a little more before heading back to the animal kingdom. That night we dined at El Mez where I drank the white cheese dip straight from the bowl. I am not lying when I say it is my life goal to have a waterfall of the cheese dip in the front hall of my house some day. Then we went home to cute gift bags and sweet, sweet Sarah Marshall.

Steph may have chipped her tooth on a ceramic bird.
Oh, I should also mention how we took about a million cute glasses pictures. Featuring, our glasses. Brian and I went to sleep on the air mattress we bought. As we drifted off into a peaceful slumber, we woke up in the pike position with our butts touching the ground and our heads going into our knees because the mattress we had was full of holes. Also it was 20 below in our room and Brian had only brought napkins and a table cloth to cover us up in. I thought about letting the cat in so that I could let it sleep on my head in such a way that it would fashion a fur cap, but then I remembered that Pickles scares the Jesus out of me.

Bright and early we got up to tour around the campus, watch the parade, and take illegal amounts of pictures. Also videos with the eldest baton-twirling man. I think Melissa tucked her number in his corduroys. We made our way down to the stadium and got to see the team run into the field. It was sweet being about 10 feet from tiny Todd Reising. I would ride him like a pony on the fourth of July. But alas, we really sucked it up and it got so bad we couldn't watch past the 3rd quarter.
she returned the favor.

After leaving the game it was more Mass Street, a little La Parilla in my mouth, and that's where the night went south because I thought I was still in college. I heard that back home at the Coleman's the cat was trapped in Melissa's room and had pooped, so maybe it's a good thing I was still out painting the town? Actually, my mouth felt like someone did poop in it the next day, so nevermind.

Feast your eyes on my pictures of Homecoming 2008.

My name's Richard, but call me Dick.

+ posted by Special J at 6:45 PM



Yes, ladies and germs it's that time again. Time where I chose to enter into NaBloPoMo. I will be blogging every day for an entire month. It's the stuff dreams are made of. Maybe it will jazz me up about this blog and get me back into posting more regularly. And maybe you all will stop yelling at me.

There is lots to catch you up on. Plenty to discuss, however, we will first discuss how the purple college that Courtney Campbell decided to go to blows at football. No hard feelings, Court. You will still dominate anyone when it comes to doing a four foot by four foot pencil sketch of Omar Epps. But why does your mascot have a cat head, but man hands and legs?

So, Halloween yesterday. I admit, I wasn't ready for it. I've been participating in some serious headaches the last few months and not really feeling all that excited about living. I don't really want to talk about it, but if the big in the sky is reading this blog, hopefully he will suck them out of my head and call it a day. Here is where I should probably introduce you to the latest part of my body: MY GLASSES. Yes, the author of this blog is now a four eyes. I'm not crazy about specs, but if they will help with all the pain, I'm gonna sport them with pride. The more I wear them, the more I kind of think that I look like a major hottie who can sign large checks. Or maybe the naughty librarian that will have sex on top of all the books. But I digress. Here's the blog debut of me and my Kate Spade eyeware:

So all of the sudden it's Halloween, we don't have a pumpkin, and my mom is asking for my Christmas list. Luckily, Brian pulled through and surprised me at lunch with a pumpkin.
It was perfect if you didn't look at the 9 foot scar on the back of it. But for 2$ at Wal-Mart, I'll take it.
Plus, he scored us sweet Tuxedo T-shirts that we donned that night at the party we were going to:

Heads up, I get a nasty, fast-spreading rash when ever my skin touches pumpkin:

I'm kind of a sucker for traditions, so on Halloween I always make Brian and I a pot of spicy chicken chili and homemade cornbread. God it's so good. I set a special spot up in our dining room for our dinner, so we could be right by the door for the trick or treaters! I always way over-do it on the candy, partly because I like to eat about three bags before the actual holiday. I think we ended up getting about 100 kids! It was so great. Brian was in charge of the candy dish and I checked out all of the costumes. We had a light saber casualty in our front lawn, one toddler that took his candy and then tried to walk right in our house, and one group of really little baby kids that came to our door twice. And a lot of Dads that were drunk. Am I the only one that didn't remember that happening when WE were little? Apparently that's the new trend. At 6:45pm. When you're over 40.

The cutest guy was no more than 1 year old and dressed as a dirty Husker. He toddled up to our door and Brian bent down with the dish. He took one piece and put it in the bag his mom was holding. Then his mom told him to tell us thank you. He stared at me, put his entire palm over his lips and just stared at me for a straight minute. We were all looking around wondering what the hell he was doing, but he just kept staring at me and then finally let his hand go with such a dramatic flair and he blew me a kiss. I think it was right then and there that I ran to kitchen and got a spoon and began to eat his head.

After a quick surge of kids, most all of our 6 bags were gone (darn).
Time to eat the cutest mummy cookie cake that Bri and I found at Hy-Vee while we were stopping for some coffee and medication:

Later that night I made some of my world-famous meatballs and we headed over to a Halloween party that we were invited to. It was awesome, but we were kind of tired so we kept it low-key. Costume of the year went to our friend Gabe who was in scrubs, a surgery cap, and also had an ID badge saying his name was "Dr. Miles Long". And he also had a huge set of man genetailia hanging out that he had constructed out stuffed panty house. I can't show the picture here, but let's just say it looked a little too lifelike.

Alright. I'll close for now. Brian promised he'd take me to the Olive Garden or something like that. We hit up the new Garden Ridge today and I'll just say that place is like heaven on Earth. Anyone who would like to come for a visit, I will take you there. And you will love it.

Laura, I think we're gonna win a prize for blogging this year. I can feel it in my bones. If not, we're surely going to have the odds in our favor due to the fact that we still have a good 70+ years of blogging left. And I'm not going to even say how sad I am that Steph JC dropped out. There aren't enough tissues in this world.

Saddle in for a full month of blogging, people. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

+ posted by Special J at 6:05 PM