6/27/2007

Well, I used to like birds.

WTF. Ah, I just went out on my usual lunchtime run and I swear to God I didn't make it around the first corner before I heard a "cheep cheep" right in my ear. I just thought maybe a bird was close by. How nice. Then, I noticed that it grew abnormally loud and screechy. And then, oh, BY MY FACE. I thought maybe the bird has accidentally flew a little close and would politely not make that mistake again. Apparently it's opposite day, because darn it if that bird didn't take a dive bomb at my face.

I'm just out for a friendly jog...no trees around....no nests that I'm holding in my hand...nothing. I start looking around me and these birds call a couple of their friends and fly in front of me, turn around, and swoop right into my eyes before I can turn around and run for sweet safety. This has never happened to me before. Everywhere I would turn, they were ready to meet me head on and they were MAD. No sweet little chirps. THEY WANTED BLOOD.

Oh my God my first thought was that I needed to get inside a house for saftey. I'm not lying. I was 2 seconds away from running into a random person's house. Then, I just started sprinting back towards my house, waving my arms and legs like a freakshow. Meanwhile, they kept coming at me and I looked like a special needs acrobat in the middle of the neighborhood.

I guess I finally ran away far enough, because they left me alone. Probably so that they could re-group in time for their next victim. So. No run for me today. Or probably for atleast 2 years. I am so completely freaked out.
So freaked out that next time I go running, I might carry a sword.


Well sweet. I just smashed my kneecap directly into my desk.
So, my kneecap is broken and I probably have the avian flu. Keep me in your prayers.

6/22/2007

Today, I'm 26.
I love this day. My birthday is always my favorite.

Since I have a half day, I plan to drink Starbucks, have lunch out with Downtown Brian Brown, shop outside at village pointe, open cards, dine on a birthday dinner, and finish the night out with a round yellow cake and chocolate frosting. Then, tomorrow I'm vegas-bound to brush shoulders with the hookers.

I'm glad I was born.

6/20/2007

"Not two days ago
I was having a look
in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy
fried up above his knees.
I said
I can relate
Cause lately I've been thinking
of combustication as a welcome vacation
from
the burdens of
the planet
earth
gravity
hypocrisy
and the perils of being in 3D.
But I'm thinking so much differently."

Warning: I'm about to tell a story, and if you are a retarded lover-of-all-animals, so much so that you willingly would brush a tarantulas teeth with your tounge, then just freaking stop reading because you'll probably comment and that comment will probably piss me off.

So, Brian was in Dallas last night and of course, that meant that I needed to have an adventure. Of course. So I opened the garage in order to go out and water my flowers, as I do every night of my life. And his car is not there, so this shredded white thing in his parking spot catches my eye. It took me 2.2 seconds for my robot mind to identify it: shredded glue trap that appears to have freed a mouse when I opened the garage door. Yes, I don't care what you think, but we have put up several glue traps (which consist of a long strip of paper with some serious glue on it that smells like peanut butter). This is so that when a member of the mouse community decides that he would like to live in my garage or house, as opposed to, say, a far away field in China, this trap will make his little feet stick to it and he will die a horrible and slow death like he so deserves.

So this glue trap had caught him and he chewed the crap out of it, trying to set himself free. Somehow he did, and at the exact moment, I saw him running for freedom to the corner of my garage behind a bag of fresh soil.

Let me now mention that I am not really scared of anything. Not the dark anymore. Not being alone at night. Not even touching raw chicken. But I am scared of mice. Even as I am typing this story, I feel like vomiting all over my lap. So, when I see this little thing scurrying, I think I died a little bit inside. There was nowhere for him to go, so I just stood there in the driveway, facing the open garage, watching this devil rodent.

My first thought was that I have NO problem waiting for 3 hours before Brian is back from the airport. My second thought was to cry. So I did. Really really hard and I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I don't make fun of your fear of heights, do don't make fun of me. So luckly, I always water the plants while talking on the phone to my sister, so I dialed up my entire family, none of which were answering. Good thing Brian's phone was still off because of the flight, otherwise his phone would have logged 479 missed calls. I just kept re-dialing. Sick.

Then, like a beacon of glory, our neighbor Al comes outside to inspect his perfect lawn. He's an older guy, but very wise. I don't care that my face looks like I had just been beaten with a wet shovel, I WAVE MY ARMS IN HUGE MOTIONS IN THE AIR, signaling Al to come over here immediately. Still watching the bag of soil, I ask him if he's scared of mice. Good thing, he's not, so I tell him there's one in there and he immediately sees it.

He pulls down one of our snow shovels and tries to shoo it out the garage door, but apparently, it just wants to run around the garage and I just want it to die. So Al is running all around our garage whacking things and I am standing at a safe distance out on the edge of the driveway.

Finally, the little dude gets stuck in another glue trap (Ha!) and Al shovels him up and puts it in the grass. He's still in the trap, and Al asks me what I want to do with him. And I just tell Al that I'm mean and I just want him to die there in the grass, in that trap. Then, Al, being the brilliant man he is, asks if I would like him to take the trap out to the back cornfield and put him out there so it would be even farther away. HECK YES I DO. So he scoops him up with the shovel and walks around to the back of the house. Right before disposal, I yell at Al from the front yard to THROW HIM REALLY FAR OUT THERE. So he raises the shovel behind his head and totally catapaults this mouse and gluetrap out into the cornfield, way far away.

I've only met Al about 4 times, but when he came back around to the front yard, I gave him a bear hug.
"Sexual Harassment" was probably the first thing that popped into his head, mid-embrace, but I don't care. I love him.

6/14/2007

So, I think I'm addicted.

Oh, my God would you do me a favor and check out that dance?
I've never watched this show before, but I swear to you, after watching this dance, I wanted to make out.

I told Brian I wanted to learn this dance with him. How awesome would that be?
Me in a little slinky nightie just throwing myself on Brian's chest like I'm 20 pounds.
And Brian's slamming against me in his little black fiddy-cent wifebeater.

Anyways, moving on. About the most exciting thing that's happened to me since last post is that the meatboy at the grocery store decided to suprise me by putting plain regular turkey into my buffalo turkey-labled dehli bag. That's right. So when I went to have myself a delicious lunch involving turkey pumped with unnatural buffalo juices, I was crapped on by homey at the Hy-Vee meat counter. That pissed me off.

In other news, I think I'm addicted to collecting links on the internet. Every day, I end up with a screen full of stuff I want to bookmark. It's gotten a little out of control, but I don't care. Everything is organized in my little Firefox world.

I found these little bits that I just love. Travel journals you say? Yes I'll take 50.


So, on Saturday last weekend my sister Kris was introducted to the male anatomy. Meaning, she had a little bachelorette party. I hosted, it was at the Melting Pot for desert and drinks, and lots of UNDERWEAR.
Some girl almost had to pull my face out of the steaming hot pot of chocolate, but that's beside the point.
The night was all about Kristin and her hilarious reactions to receiving undergarments:


Sue Hall was in attendance and more than once exclaimed, "I'm ready to party!" Before the party, Laura and I ventured to your favorite store and mine, Priscillas. Apparently, a store like that gets really packed on the weekends after work. I think the best part was when we saw the Dad just walking up and down the isles of lingerie, running his hands through all of the product. Sick.


But the best find of my life came in the form of $3.25 of pure glory. We found this little camera that contained about 10 naked dude pictures when you looked through the lens and clicked around.

And so you're clicking around looking at dong, and then you feast your eyes upon this dude's butt shot,
featuring a 3 foot long butthole, wide open against a backdrop of cheetah sheets. Mom really loved that slide.

Here's Kris and her new pair of edible underwear. Being the good sister I am, we decided to go with Chocolate.


Well enough of that!
The rest of the weekend was spent at the home of Montie and Liz with the old 1712 group. It was the best time.


Justin ate a worm, benches were pressed, I watched the first half of Hostel,
and Jarod, out of no where, reared back and slapped my ass.

PRE-SLAP


POST-SLAP

No one could believe it.

Welp, Montie and Liz are coming to experience Omaha this weekend and we're having a little early birthday BBQ.
I even bought some sweet sausage to grill. It's sure to be a good time.
Then, next weekend we're off to Vegas, where my only goal will be to see a real live prostitute working the street.

6/08/2007

Howdy, there.

Well, the anniversary was perfect. Dinner basically made me wet my pants and it was just so cute getting all dressed up to eat dinner downtown in a small brick restaurant at a corner table overlooking the Omaha skyline.

I was minorly embarrassed when our waiter, Jason Coleman's twin, saw my card to Brian on the table and felt it was his duty to mention that it doesn't get any better than "loving someone's sweet buns," which is the thing I wrote on the back of the envelope. Who does that? With his eagle eyes? I have tiny and very compact writing. Thanks but no thanks, Mr. Waiter. Although, by night's end, we were all laughing about John Candy, chocolate mousse, and the fact that I kind of thought he wanted to be our friend and sit down to enjoy the rest of our dinner with us.

Brian got some sweet moola to his favorite guitar store, while I went home with the greatest gift to all of mankind:

Seriously, I had been running every day at lunch, dragging my original ipod behind me in a cart with wheels. This shuffle has got to be the sweetest thing since sliced bread. I clip it anywhere and I don't even feel it. My earphones are heavier. I highly recommend it. Hard.

So, here's a highlight of things this week so far:
1.) On Tuesday, in our driveway, Brian smooshed THE hugest spider I have ever seen. Bigger than any spider in a museum. As big as your fist. It took two stomps and when he made impact, millions of little babies started pouring out, thus causing Brian to run inside and take his shoe and sock off.

2.) I wore my pants inside out to the mall for about 2 whole hours. I am white trash.

3.) I think I have eaten sausage in some form or another every single day this week.
And I go for the spiced up sausage. And that is why I have the razorblade skitters.

So I've been surfing the web quite a bit as usual. Brian thinks I have a problem.
Check out these cool things that I found:

Bench by 5.5 Designers


Kitchen Barrister from Signals. Oh my God this belongs in my ownership.


Personalized plates from Rabbit Toes.


Fun things to print and fold for free at ReadyMech.


Home lettering by Urban.

Some other choice websites that I have found while wandering:
-Bunny Maxwell
-Skinny laMinx etsy shop
-Rose and Radish
-Hostess with the Mostess blog

Which brings me to good times. Let me introduce you to my new signature move on Friday and Saturday nights.
It always comes out. And you know what? I feel good about it.



A few weekends ago, Joe, Brian, and me did about 6 hours of recording in the basement. And if I could figure out how to post the greatness, I would. Then, the night took us to a fabulous new discovery: Omaha's new Tapas restaurant. Defintley a place that will be added to my famous visitor's from out of town experience tour.

Afterwards, we went where the night took us.


And it took me right into one of my most greatest experiences of my life:
The local watering hole was rather crowded so people were sharing tables with other people. Somehow, this dude was at ours and I asked him what he did for a living. He replied that he was a muralist, which, I thought was interesting. Being the person I am, I immediately ordered him to draw me a mini-mural.


I made him sign it and everything. Just to make it special. And Dude came up with this:

Right. Of all the things. Needless to say, it's hanging up on our fridge right now.
Probably going to take it down for when Brian's parents come in July.


So, come to Nebraska and get your boobies drawn.

So, I get a half day today. I'm going to spend it painting the guest bathroom for Montie and Liz. They are coming next weekend along with Taylor and Jarod, I believe. Pre-birthday celebration. I can't wait. Maybe they'll bring the dogs, and maybe they will leave a log on my staircase again.

This weekend is a quick trip to OP for Kristin's bachelorette party and some pee pee novelties.
Also going to see the Holts and our favorite stretch of I-29.

6/04/2007

June 4th, 2005
(the best day of my life)


Today is our 2-year wedding anniversary! I'm as happy as I was on this day two years ago.
Tonight we're celebrating with dinner at The Flatiron Grill.

I married the coolest person on planet Earth, as well as the cleanest man on planet Earth.

I can't believe all of the great things we have done in two years. It makes me so excited to think back on all of the great times, great acomplishments, and the love we have for each other. And for his sweet buns.

We've done Maui, Chicago, California, Minnesota, Colorado and home. New cars, new jobs, our awesome house and that apartment we loved. He makes me laugh. I have a small hobby of picking out polos for him to wear.
We fit together. He hogs the bed. I always ask him 50 times if the doors are locked at night. I love him.
And I'm so glad we have the agreement of living until we're 400 years old.

6/02/2007

Look out. I've found myself.