5/14/2008

Well me and Brian just drove all over this great city in an attempt to get an iced coffee drink. The third place we tried was still open. So what if you want a coffee drink at 9pm. It's my right as an American.

Not a lot happening lately, hence the time in between posts. In case you haven't heard, I've picked up Remix Magazine. In addition to EM. I wonder if my page will come up now if you google that. Right up there with the google results every time Kelly Procho wants to remember the lesbian hiker she was in her snakeskin undies.

Been doing a few home improvement projects lately. We finally called in a man team to stain our deck. Our deck is awesome: wonderful location for flip cup tournaments, aids in cooking sausage and veggies on the grill, and also lets me make out with Brian at sunset. But it's never been stained and therefore looks like a piece of doo doo poo poo. So this man will be power washing and staining it a dark brown. I might lick it after it's all done. It will really look nice I think.

Before we decided to stain-away, we decided to tear down a small shed that the previous owner had built underneath and as a part of the deck. Basically the walls of it were warping and the only function it served was providing a large ammount of shelter for the state's population of mice. So we called up Dax, our wonder-neighbor, who brought over some tools of destruction. The thing was down in a matter of mere minutes. God it looks better just having air and grass under the deck. No more rat nests the size of my car. It's really great. And making me sleep at night again.

You can't just throw away a shit ton of wood, so the most logical thing to do was burn it. In the backyard. Where the massive farm is, if you've ever been to my house before. Once again, we call Dax. There isn't a thing he can't do. Brian and I are co-presidents of his fan club. And we will die a slow death when he leaves in a few weeks to move to St. Louis. I will not know how to cook dinner any more and Brian will forget how to go to the bathroom. He taught us everything.

So on Monday night, Brian and the Daxter pull all the wood out into the farm field. Dax stacks it up like a mini wooden skyscraper, pours a line of gas 6 feet out of the pile and lights it like the pyro he is. Since he had doused the entire wood pile with about 8 gallons of gasoline, the thing basically blew up and I actually contemplated getting arrested. It was way to big of a fire and I basically just put a pair of handcuffs on.




But the boys felt so manly and it was nice to put out some lawn chairs and sit in front of the fire with our friends into the night. And darn it if that fire didn't just burn all night and was still burning a little in the morning. But don't worry, Brian Scott raked the coals and wet everything down before he even had his cereal at 4:30am. God I am married to such a stud.

In other home news, Bri and I have purchased two new trees, to be planted any day now. I am seriously so proud. I feel like I bought some children. It was a big investment, but one I'm really excited about. Maybe come for a visit to see my trees?

That's about the extent of my weekly excitment. I'd post the video of Dax flinging gasoline onto the fire, but I might have some cop readers, so I'd like for him to remain innocent in the eyes of the law. Laura graduates college this weekend so we're headed into OP tomorrow night after a quick volleyball game where I dominate and then get asked by Olympic scouts to go to Bejing.

Looking forward to celebrating Laura and all of her hard work. Also looking forward to seeing Gram Ring. Laura said she looked like she was ready to go on a safari at Steph's ballgame tonight. I can't wait to give her a squeeze. Or 60.

Still running the lake. Have seen snakes, gross spiders, a couple consistantly making out and strattling each other every day at 12:30, an old man smoking in the same spot in the trees right at the end of my run so that I can feel like I just smoked a cigarette after a 30 minute run, and homeless people fishing.

Oh my God. I almost forgot:

That finale was so perfect i could just die. He picked right. And if I could just jump into her body for like 45 minutes? They should be required by law to just be locked up in a room to have babies, permanently for the rest of their lives.

Also saw the new Patrick Dempsy movie. God he's a hottie and a half.

5/04/2008

Coming to you live, on the Lord's day..

This weekend was kind of odd and very nice at the same time. On Friday, Brian took me to see RENT, downtown at the Orpheum Theater.


We began the night at vivace, a new and fancy italian restaurant that we had never eaten at down in the Old Market. It had, hands-down, the best spinach dip I have ever face-planted into in my life. Very spicy and very wonderful. So were the G&T's and my chicken stuffed with sausage. Why do I always go for the sausage?

After that, we still had some time to kill, so we went over to Old Chicago for a few and also one of their big cookies and also 20 pounds of fat for my thighs. But I didn't care. I think the best way to die would be laying in a room, full of Old Chicago warm cookies, and eating myself into a coma. Then it was time for us to get to the theater for the show.


I was a little choked up that RENT is ending it's time on Broadway, thus, I won't be able to stalk it around Omaha, KC, and St. Louis. So this would be the last time seeing it. Let me just say right now that if you haven't seen it, you're mad. And you're probably not my friend anymore. But there is still time to save you. I will happily burn the two disc CD and allow you to memorize it. Seriously. Just ask.

God it was so good. I'm not kidding, I literally had a permanent shiver during the whole three hour show. Minus the fact that Mark was Asian and Maureen had short dyke hair, it was completely wonderful. I was mouthing the words the entire time and when i wasn't, there was two gay guys in the back filling in for me. One guy was insanely huge, the other was a beanpole. Occasionally, during the Maureen and Joanne parts, I'd hear them say, "Typical Lesbian!" And then they'd high five or something. Even at the end, during the final song, two older ladies just stood up during the whole thing waving their arms and singing. Kind of weird, but I'll take it. Is it weird that I want to be poor and in an apartment with no heat, dreaming about protesting and building a restaurant in Santa Fe?

As I was viewing it for the last time in my little theater, sister Laura was in New York City seeing it on broadway with her man hunk. Not gonna lie, that pretty much killed me. But I hear that she is bringing me back a play bill, which I will sleep with every night.

Then on Saturday, I woke up at the crack of noon and literally felt like I had been run over by a car. I ate some pizza that we ordered and then went back to bed until about 5. Yes I know. That's wild. But we had a graduation party we had to rock. So I bucked it up, took Brian so that he wouldn't miss out on all of the adult libations, while I sat in front of the fire and downed 4 large-sized water bottles and about a truck load of M&Ms.

Today I was better. Felt a little more energized. I forgot to mention that we were watching little Joseph this weekend. My favorite dog in the entire world.

I swear, I'm getting really good at having him over. He still loves when I open the window. We actually but a box down in front of a window, covered it with a blanket, and he literally hopped up there and sat in front of that window for about 6 hours. His new favorite pastime is unwinding the toliet paper roll with his front paws. I think he has eaten a few dried up earth worms, about a trees worth of wood, a twist tie, a little piece of wire with a Christmas berry on the end, and some poop out in the yard. But some good things happened too. I gave him a new squeaky green bone, Brian and I gave him probably one of the best baths he's ever had tonight, and me and Joe watched a Mandy Moore movie today while he just laid on my stomach and I gave him belly scratches.


I'm really gonna miss him when he leaves tomorrow.

4/30/2008

How's it hanging? Long and hairy and hard to carry?

Well today I saw my second snake on the lake path, week two of running that goddamn lake. After I saw it I was convinced that it went up my pant leg. This one had stripes on it and moved faster than I normally drive. Now I'm just waiting for a bird to fly down and peck my eyes out.

Have you guys been watching TV? The hottie bachelor is totally going to end up with Shae and have a plastic mother in law. The new Real World is INSANE. Nasty stripper, Joey with his puppy dog eyes and severe alcohol abuse problem. America's Next Top Model with stupid Fatima who didn't have her travel papers in order and oh, she has her genitals sewed shut. And Greys.. someone needs to tell Rose to go walk in traffic.

Well let's talk about something more ladylike.
It has come to my attention that you all need to see how I re-decorated my guest room. This was originally my most hated room in the house. FYI, I hate the color of wood. Let's paint it all white, I say. So here we go. My first attempt at being crafty.


If you hate it, I don't care. The idea came from the website Purl Bee. There is also a Flickr Group. Let me tell you, this was a labor of love. Brian and I almost killed each other over the hanging of these. Luckily, we pushed through and now allow all of our guests to slumber and make-out under them.


I'm not lying when I say, sometimes I come into the room and just stare fondly at the arrangement. Or fondle the arrangement. Or lick the walls.

Well, that's gonna wrap it up for this Wednesday's installment. Gotta go park it on the couch with a bowl of nightly ice cream. Love Ya.

4/27/2008

Well, I had a nice little weekend. Totally trying to simplify my and really evaluate what I do and how I do it. Had a minor freak-out early in the week and then super-Bri came to the rescue and helped me back down to Earth. I have to realize that I can't do everything, I can't monitor every blog in the world, and there aren't 56 hours in one day. And that's okay. Now if I can only be faster at things and finish what I start.

Friday night, Brian and I went out on a little date night to Bianco. Little did we know you needed reservations and a sweater around your neck. But somehow, the lady squeezed us into a nice table by the window. Where I could see the black and white Italian movie that was being projected up onto the far back wall. We enjoyed a cup of Seafood bisque, some flatbread, gin and tonics, wine, and the most delish linguine with spinach, butter sauce, and four big shrimp. So much so that I could have gotten my face stuck in that bowl of heaven. We also enjoyed a tiny desert and then ran off to target, a little tipsy, where we purchased a lamp shade and a sticker that says "Protect Your Nuts". Just a typical Friday night for the Scotts.

On Saturday, Brian had already been playing XBox for a solid two hours before I woke up. I started the day with a quick episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8, the one where Cara gets roller blades. I'm not gonna lie, I was a cranky son of a gun all morning, so I decided to hit up the Village Pointe shops. I am loving Bananna Republic lately. Like as much as my own Mother. I thoroughly enjoy buying blouses that fit in bright colors that are so bright and joyous, they make people have seizures. I even got a dress for my upcoming birthday which will be celebrated in Hilton Head this year. I called sister Laura in the middle of my shopping to tell her that I wished she lived next door so that we could always be together and hang out every waking moment.

Three hours later and my sister just went up 50 more points on the awesome-scale and I discovered that going with a brown-theme eye make-up night does not work worders for my face.

Laura, thank you for coming up. It's just what the doctor ordered. Little Joey even got to sneak in a few tissues to eat. We went to Jams for the dinner of champions and then hit the clubs and found someones gift card for a free deluxe facial. Maybe next time you should mind your gift cards instead of sexually humping the booth seat. When we got home, me and Laura had some girl talk while Joe and Brian sang loudly in the basement with the guitar and drums. Then, the next morning it was Tuna Melt time at Paradise and then time to feel like you're goddamn pregnant because you ate too much tuna melt.

Then I took a short two hour nap on the couch, proceeded to jack my neck up so bad that I probably need surgery, and watched our favorite Kardashian family on the tube. I've been doing on and off work all day, mixed with some laundry, and then because the neighbors started to, I mowed the lawn for the first time this summer.




It was satisfying as usual. Then Brian grilled me up a sausage and spent the rest of the night ripping down a shed under our deck with the neighbor. Back to the grind tomorrow with more runs around the lake and seeing RENT on Friday. Pleased as punch.

4/23/2008

The past two nights my dreams have gone something like this:

-scavenger hunt with Christina Aguilara and Snoop Dogg.
-won world title of best female wrestler in the world. All I had to do was line up side by side against this other girl who (in real life) I read her blog but do not know her. Then we had to do a series of sommersaults in a row, down a line. Then when we got down and back, we had to take this pen and guide a dot of light to the target on the board. And I won because she had trouble dragging the light dot to the target. All I really remember after that is receiving a gift basket and putting the shirt on that they gave me and realizing it had a really wide neck and it was off the shoulder so that it could showcase my muscles and I was kind of pissed it did that.

In real and actual news, I'm a little stunned at the latest two e-mails my parents have separatley sent to me. Those of you who know John and Sue, know that one spends 26 hours a day knitting washclothes and the other likes to wash down his war movies down with 6 mountain dews a night.


God love 'em.

But so my Dad e-mails me first.
The e-mail asks, Can you name the famous model from this picture?

I don't even want to read further because why is my conservative Dad, who didn't allow me or my sisters to go to school dances, sending me thong pictures. I go on.


Fooled you! It was a close up of some sausage!

Later on that night I talk to my dad on the phone and he asks if I got the e-mail.
He went on for like 20 minutes: "DIDN'T THAT FIRST PICTURE LOOK LIKE A REAL MODEL?" "DIDN'T IT HAVE YOU FOOLED? I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL MODEL!"
All the while, I'm thinking if I had an ass that tan, a piece of heavy-duty cord going up my crack wouldn't be my only problem.

Then I get this e-mail from Mom:

...telling me that there's a recall at Wal-Mart because their beach chairs seem to be faulty.

Wow. So racy. More over the weekend on how my life is unfolding. I'm running around a lake now at lunchtime.
It actually feels like someone is knifing me in the thighs. I'm also hosting a small dinner party tomorrow and we had cinnamon rolls for dinner tonight.

4/07/2008

Brian and I headed to Lawrence this weekend to watch our Jayhawks beat North Carolina on Saturday night. This was probably one of the greatest nights of my life. I knew right when we beat Davidson, I wanted to spend the next night, the most important game in my opinion, in Lawrence Kansas. I was there in Memorial Stadium like 6 years ago when Roy shouted at the crowd, "I'm not going anywhere! I will retire and die a Jayhawk." Then he left. Now he's a liar and I'll always hate him. The next day on campus, every square inch of sidewalk had chalk messages written about Roy's leaving. Now it was our chance to play him and his golden team for the first time ever.


This game was and will always be bigger and more important than any other game we have played. We watched the game at the Jazzhaus, I think I felt 12 hours of complete shivers, we rioted on Mass, and it was seriously one of the coolest moments in my 26 years on earth. A night I'll never forget. I am so proud to be a Jayhawk.

We came in to Gardner on Friday night. Brian had been in KC all week for a work meeting and I was making my second trip of the week. We grilled some sweet hamburgers and had a relaxing night watching I Am Legend, where in my sleep I imagined zombies gutting me alive in the middle of the night.

The next night, we woke up early and nervous and headed to Lawrence for the big game. We dined at La Parilla (which is probably why I had gas later in the night) and walked around Mass Street. We had beers at Harbor Lights, Jo Schmos, and Jackpot. We had worked out an agreement to meet Laura's friend Farver at Jefferson's throughout the day to guarentee us a table there for the game. He was the manager there and said we'd be golden. We kept checking back and telling him there was a homemade sign on the window full of names of groups that had been waiting for a table since 10:30am. They were supposed to close Jefferson's at 4, kick everyone out, and then re-open at 4:30 for the game. Farver said the list wasn't going to count and that he was going to rip it down and we'd be fine if we stood right by the door. So we did. Then 4:30 came and a girl came out and sure enough, started calling groups off the list. We kept looking at Farver and he just blankly looked back at us. I thought he was cool, but now he's permanetly on my shit list. I wanted some of those chicken fingers.

Paniced, we told the guys we didn't have a spot anymore. Maybe some of you don't understand the severity of this. On mass, at every single bar or restaurant, it cost $100 to get a table. If you could even get in. Or early enough. At Brothers, it was $5 for girls and $10 for guys. It was like nothing I've ever seen before. And we wanted to be on Mass street beacuse even mid-afternoon, they were starting to close it off. I thought Montie and Brian were going to kill me. I've never seen them so angry. They ran to check out Harbor Lights and we found two booths at Jackpot, but then quickly realized we didn't want to watch the game on a shitty TV with a bunch of emo grown-ups. Laura and I sprinted over to Jazzhaus and secured a long line of tables and chairs and it ended up that there couldn't be a more perfect spot to watch the game. The bar was close to our seats, huge bigscreen, you could go next door and get Jimmy Johns and bring it back up..



Our group was there and we sat through the Memphis game with the help of Mr. Boulevard. Montie got into a small fight with another one of Laura's friends after he took our pitcher (hey, they were limited). The 12 year old dude asked montie if he know he was and I'm not going to lie, I thought the fists were going to come out. But all got well when the game came on. Cheers when they showed Bill Self on TV and the loudest BOOS when they showed Roy on TV. Me, Liz, and Laura stood up on the seats and literally willed every basket in. 40-12 at almost halftime? THE PLACE WAS ELECTRIC. I told everyone we would know if we could win it in the first two minutes of the game. Who was going to show up to play. And my prayers were answered. I've never seen better Kansas basketball.



It was weird. We kept looking at the score as if it almost wasn't real. We were murdering them. Tyler who? The game was just a big blur. Lots of screaming. High fives and chest bumps (Jarod even went for the high five and just ended up slamming me in the eye. Then Laura said not to start crying because I would make him feel bad. Ok, but that's cool, cause I'm blind.) Laura's friend Finger came to the game. He bought about 80 rounds of shots. One time me and Brian even caught Finger tipping up the round bar tray and draining the excess liquid into his shot glass and then drinking up. Totally sick, Finger. We started a conga line with a few adult Dads. I was dancing like reckless abandon when Pussy Control came over the speakers. Who am I? I don't have moves. We were just freaking out after the win and poured outside onto mass where I have never seen so many people in my life.



All we were doing is literally running up and down through the crowd giving everyone we could a high five. People were just screaming. The band was down there. I hugged our class president. I saw all my friends. I climbed on a truck and had cops take pictures of me. I was chest bumping strangers. I got free beer every 2 feet and in the bars. God it was seriously awesome to be a part of that.



Brian, Laura, and I were driven home exclusively by the KU Saferide BUS. Just us three, in a huge bus limo. Laura wanted him to go through a Taco Bell drive through. He said no. We pre-ordered Pizza Shuttle but I fell asleep before it came. No worries though, I woke up and had a piece at 6:30am.. didn't want to miss out on that bacony goodness.

Here were some of the text messages I sent out that fateful night:
"I'M TAKING MON AND TUES OFF"
"hiccups at sunflower"
"oh my god it is surreal.... love you"
"I am alone amoung thousands"
"red lion by my lonesome"
"help me"
"whooooo"
"I have a free full beer"
"He was in Iraq"
"I need a shit load of food"
"woah"
"where for food"

(Here are my flickr pictures)

Ah man.. now we're playing tonight for the national championship. Ten Years ago we won it. And five years ago I was a senior and watching us play Syracuse for the championship. We're headed out to watch.

Just checked Sheron Collin's facebook status:
"Sherron Collins IS GETTING IN HIS MODE, THIS WHAT I DO, NOW ITS TIME TO GET IT, AND THE WHOLE HOOD BEHIND ME WHAT UP, WEST SIDE GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rock Chalk Jayawk! Let's win this.

3/27/2008

The mastermind who invented the egg McMuffin died today.


(Thank you, CLC for your artistic brilliance.)

I will be attending his funeral. In my dreams.